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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

I poked your tweet with a stick, hoping it would do something.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Elect a clown, expect a circus.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

WhatsApp calls should indicate whose internet is poor to avoid unnecessary arguments.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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Updated

Jan 19, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

Live now on Snapchat:

German couples probably have less arguments because there’s an exact word for, “I’m fine, just annoyed you forgot the milk again”.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

Just landed via Snapchat:

It’s a beautiful morning. Lots of people out walking their phones.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I swear every time I look up from my phone, it’s a different holiday.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The algorithm knows about that thing you like that you’re denying yourself of.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.

Just shared via Discord:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

2 months ago

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"Ha! That's the sound of your lawnmower dreaming of freedom! 🚜😅 Better put it on pause, buddy!"

argument, ask, back, communication, humor, lawn, marriage, middle, mowing, relationship, silence, silent, tip, wife

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Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Threads this month:

Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

Shooting a gun in the air to get everyone’s attention, then immediately getting shy and sheepishly twisting my shoe in the dirt and blinking bashfully.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m going to need to rewatch Idiocracy to see what happens next.

50 shares on Threads this month:

Feminism convinced women they could have it all. Now they’re 40, independent, and crying in a very nice but empty apartment.

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

We’ve got a shituation here.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Tuesday is no better than Monday.

72 shares on Facebook this month:

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

They should invent a food that sounds good for dinner tonight.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Sometimes I shower in the dark and pretend I’m in a rainforest on an alien planet.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I’m already far too stressed as it is. And then you also have to have time to just sit there and do nothing.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Meeting Beyoncé and telling her I loved her in Goldmember and mentioning nothing about her music career, just to see if it throws her off.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

“This would be better if there was cake” really does ring true in any situation.

Seen just now on Slack:

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Do you ever want sleep but sleep doesn’t want you?

Making waves on Facebook:

When I was a kid, no phones or tablets. We just read the cereal box at breakfast.

Going viral on Telegram:

Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

One person’s logic is another one’s “what the heck?”

Spotted on Instagram:

Through repetition and sheer will I’ve mastered gracefully falling on my head.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

Spotted on Pinterest:

This chapter of my life is called ‘at least the rent is paid’

Making waves on Pinterest:

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to skirt the issue.

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so make sure you tell bad people they’re bad.

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to skirt the issue.

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so make sure you tell bad people they’re bad.

Sometimes I’ll pause a YouTube video to scroll on reels. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to be loved genuinely.

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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