Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

She wanted me to impress her in the bedroom, so I showed her my organized sock drawer and my fresh matching bedding.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Oops, I think I’ve had a little too much to think.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

I wish I loved anything as much as people love to say they are “thrilled” on LinkedIn.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

You don’t know about stupidity until your female friends open up about their love life.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,307

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

The worst part about re-watching Home Alone is you just know Kevin’s parents bought this house for like $250K.

Going viral on Twitch:

I am officially at the age where old people think I am young and young people think I am old.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

Spotted on Twitch:

It’s crazy how drinking poison makes you feel like shit the next day.

Just landed via Telegram:

That’s kind of sexy of you to be a little weird.

Going viral on Instagram:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

Broadcasted on X:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Going bananas on Messenger:

My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.

Maybe the real American dream is the debt we collected along the way.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Living the American Dream: accumulating just the right amount of debt to keep life exciting! 💳💸😅

along, American, American dream, debt, dream, economy, finance, humor, irony, lifestyle, maybe, money, real

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

0

2 months ago

activity, actually, bathroom, better, cleaning, evidence, fun, fun activity, humor, job, motivation, murder, pretend, while
Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!

0

2 months ago

absolutely, ask, conversation, conversations, hobby, humor, i, interaction, let, me, meet, new, new people, people, skill, small, small talk, social, social interaction, social skill, talk, tell, tier, top, top tier, work
I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want. And yet, here I am just doing laundry, eating salads, taking antidepressants, flossing my teeth, and going on little walks. Like an IDIOT.

0

3 weeks ago

adult, am, antidepressant, doing, eating, floss, flossing, going, here, humor, i, idiot, irony, just, laundry, little, responsibility, salad, self-care, taking, teeth, walk, walks, want, whatever
I’m done wasting money this summer, unless you guys want to do something this weekend.

0

5 months ago

done, guys, humor, invitation, money, plan, something, spending, summer, want, wasting, weekend
Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

0

2 months ago

angry, diet, food, food humor, humor, i, night, salad, third, third night, vegan
Never eat more than you can lift.

0

2 months ago

advice, diet, eat, fitness, food, humor, lift

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Messenger this month:

“I’m at a point in my life where my favorite thing to do is nothing.”

39 shares on Facebook this month:

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

58 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

77 shares on Facebook this month:

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

60 shares on Reddit this month:

Hey (threateningly), can I join your years-old, tight-knit, close friend group?

78 shares on Telegram this month:

More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

93 shares on Facebook this month:

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

I’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

As a wife and mother my hobbies include rage cleaning, rage cooking, and rage folding.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I’m so single. When they ask me for an emergency contact, I put the neighbor’s dog.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

I had no social life in high school. Even my imaginary best friend had a date for the prom.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I had the most impatient and rudest cashier. I’m never using self-checkout again.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I’m liking your IG photo from 8 days ago because IG just showed me today!

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

It’s getting slide guitar and harmonica hot outside.

Trending via TikTok:

Welcome to your 40s, your level of cleaning is directly related to whether your guest can see without readers.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

Just shared via Messenger:

I’d pretend to care about football for you.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Just because you can connect to your neighbor’s bluetooth speaker and play ghost noises doesn’t mean you should.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

Spotted on Reddit:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

Spotted on Reddit:

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

Just shared via TikTok:

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Maybe the real American dream is the debt we collected along the way.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!

I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want. And yet, here I am just doing laundry, eating salads, taking antidepressants, flossing my teeth, and going on little walks. Like an IDIOT.

I’m done wasting money this summer, unless you guys want to do something this weekend.

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Never eat more than you can lift.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨