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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Showering & getting in bed is literally one of the best combos ever.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Horror movies should add bloopers, so after watching the main film, you’ll be able to sleep.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

If you respond to my sarcasm with better sarcasm, then I might just catch feelings.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

I wish I was a moose. No work, no school, just eating grass and wrecking cars.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

You say “multitask” like it’s a good thing.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Don’t worry, guys. Together we can eliminate logic and reason on social media. I see some of you are already ahead of the game. Way to go!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,662

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Insomnia is embarrassing. How can I be so bad at something that literally involves doing nothing?

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Applied for an internship to gain experience and got rejected because I didn’t have relevant experience.

Live now on Instagram:

Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

Live now on Reddit:

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

Just shared via X:

I’m optimistic, in a pessimistic way.

Making waves on Messenger:

This is a horrible time in history to be a decent human being.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Does my special place in hell have wi-fi?

Spotted on YouTube:

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

Live now on Telegram:

We get it, comma, you went to Oxford.

Men absolutely love buying the same shirt in four almost identical colors and saying, ‘Yep, that’ll do me for the next three years.’

4 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess it's called "variety" when you own four shades of "almost the same" 😆👕👕👕👕

absolutely, almost, buying, color, colors, fashion, four, humor, identical, love, me, men, next, repetition, same, saying, shirt, shopping, stereotype, three

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My hobbies include saying, “I’m so tired,” and then staying up for three more hours doing nothing.

0

2 months ago

deprivation, doing, hobby, hours, humor, insomnia, laziness, nothing, procrastination, saying, sleep, sleep deprivation, staying, staying up, three, tired
Sometimes it’s not a secret, it’s just none of your business.

0

2 months ago

boundary, business, humor, just, none, personal, privacy, sarcasm, secret, secrets, sometimes
Scratching the mosquito bite on my foot? Literally orgasmic. This is the kind of stuff that the government doesn’t want you to know.

0

2 months ago

bite, foot, government, humor, kind, know, literally, mosquito, mosquito bite, pleasure, scratching, secret, sensation, stuff, want
“Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you.”

0

2 months ago

call, customer, customer service, hold, humor, important, irony, line, phone, service, stay, waiting
A genie that does my bidding would fix me.

0

2 months ago

bidding, fix, genie, humor, magic, me, wish
Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free.

0

5 months ago

ease, free, freedom, humor, intelligence, intelligent, most, problem, problems, self-awareness, stupidity

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There are no laws against pineapples on pizza.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It seems a little unfair that the people who want to go to bed have to put the people to bed who don’t want to go to bed.

88 shares on Threads this month:

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

79 shares on Threads this month:

Just worked out for 2 hours straight and 1 hour gay.

54 shares on YouTube this month:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

15 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

I be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb.

47 shares on Facebook this month:

This meeting could have been a pajama party.

78 shares on Snapchat this month:

80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

84 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t remember if I was 43 or 44 before my birthday, so now I don’t know if I’m 44 or 45. That’s your 40’s.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Love when plans get canceled. It’s like getting a snow day as an adult.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Lasagna has never broken my heart. Just saying.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your life’s decisions.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

The best thing about the internet is that you’re never the dumbest one here.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Born to be a hater, forced to understand your perspective.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Blackout curtains are dangerous, because it’s 1 p.m. outside and 1 a.m. in here.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Feeling feral. Better make some mac and cheese.

Spotted on Discord:

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

Shared recently on Twitch:

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

Trending via Slack:

Hey, we’re calling off the search party. We found a different guy out there we like more.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

Spotted on Threads:

The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

Making waves on YouTube:

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

Spotted on YouTube:

Why spend like $300 Dollars on a pair of shoes? Do you know how many chicken nuggets you can buy with that money?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Men absolutely love buying the same shirt in four almost identical colors and saying, ‘Yep, that’ll do me for the next three years.’

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My hobbies include saying, “I’m so tired,” and then staying up for three more hours doing nothing.

Sometimes it’s not a secret, it’s just none of your business.

Scratching the mosquito bite on my foot? Literally orgasmic. This is the kind of stuff that the government doesn’t want you to know.

“Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you.”

A genie that does my bidding would fix me.

Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨