Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Sorry I’m late, my dog was sleeping in the shape of a donut and I had to take so many photos.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,519

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Wonder what I should wear to World War III.

Trending via Twitch:

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Can’t stand British posts on my timeline. “I bought this for four squids and a halfpenny!” What the hell are you talking about?

Going viral on Twitch:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

Spotted on Discord:

Nobody rots in bed like I do.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.

Going viral on Slack:

It used be called “talking to yourself” but the new term for it is “podcasting”.

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who's the real pet here? 🐶🤔 Clearly, I'm just here for belly rubs and kibble payments! 😂🐾"

barks, communication, dog, human, humor, i, intelligence, me, pet, smarter, understand, understanding, words

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Deleting dating apps to meet someone the old-fashioned way (in the HR department).

0

5 months ago

app, apps, date, dating, dating app, delete, deleting, department, hr, HR department, humor, meet, old fashioned, relationship, someone, workplace
Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

0

2 months ago

customer, customers, employee, every, hit, humor, retail, satisfaction, should, stress, tell, used, workplace, year, yearly
I’m disgusted by the amount of nudity on Netflix these days. There’s hardly any. What am I even paying for?

0

2 months ago

am, days, disgust, disgusted, even, expectation, humor, i, irony, Netflix, nudity, payment
Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

0

2 months ago

backfire, beans, consequences, eating, food, funny moment, humor, moment, surprise, thought
I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

0

4 months ago

awkward, awkward situation, club, embarrassment, humor, ID, preference, setting, situation, social, social setting, strip, strip club, Subway
If I learned anything in college, it’s that pepper spray only stings for a couple hours.

0

2 months ago

college, couple, experience, humor, i, learning, pepper, pepper spray, spray, sting

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

66 shares on Discord this month:

People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

Got a new high score on my bathroom scale.

38 shares on Slack this month:

Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline?

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Social media is a great way to make new enemies.

23 shares on Telegram this month:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d watch him dig a hole at the beach and be like, “Wowww, baby, good job. That’s a beautiful hole.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

17 shares on Telegram this month:

People who take two steps on the stairs are both active and lazy at the same time.

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

Females be naked so much online, I be like, damn, I bet she look good in a sweater.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

My wallet is empty, just like my soul.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Can’t threaten me with screenshots. I’ll get a microphone and say it again.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Doing some skin care routine but my skin doesn’t care.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Being called ‘my love’ is probably the cutest thing, like yes, that’s me. I’m the one you love. I’m the only one you love. I’m your love. Say it again.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

Trending via WeChat:

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

Making waves on TikTok:

Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Women will be like “I know a spot,” and then take you directly to hell.

Going viral on Messenger:

I lied, I’m jealous. I hope every girl who looks at you gets clipped by a meteor.

Trending via YouTube:

How old were you when you found out people in porn aren’t actually in love?

Just landed via Slack:

These quiet electric cars are really annoying. I have to stop scrolling and look up while walking outside now.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I am not “quiet quitting”, I am suffering from third-degree burnout.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Deleting dating apps to meet someone the old-fashioned way (in the HR department).

Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

I’m disgusted by the amount of nudity on Netflix these days. There’s hardly any. What am I even paying for?

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

If I learned anything in college, it’s that pepper spray only stings for a couple hours.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨