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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Used shampoo containing caffeine. My hair is already on its way to work.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Better to be an overthinker than an overdrinker.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Still can’t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Math is like Chinese to me.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,432

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

The next man who speaks to me will be sacrificed to the gods for a bountiful harvest.

Just landed via Discord:

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

Just landed via Telegram:

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Monday is already sending me threatening glances from across the room.

Just landed via Threads:

If you have ever spent an hour on Twitter then you understand why there’s such an urgency to create Artificial Intelligence.

Spotted on YouTube:

Twitter is diarrhea of the mouth at its finest. Everyone is just going around vomiting whatever is in their brains.

Trending via Messenger:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

My favorite part of the Bible is where God says, put a cross emoji in your bio and cheer on the dehumanization of minorities.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about social media and religion with a humorous, playful tone.

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Commentary:
Oh, I must have missed the chapter where emojis save souls! 😂✝️📱#ModernMiracles

bible, bio, cheer, cross, cross emoji, dehumanization, emoji, favorite, God, minority, put, where

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Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Twitch this month:

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

79 shares on Threads this month:

My greatest joy in life is when a friend reads a book I recommend. My greatest frustration in life is when they don’t read it fast enough.

15 shares on Threads this month:

By the time he entered rehab, Popeye was more spinach than sailor man.

76 shares on X this month:

Prime numbers are so cunty. Like okay, diva — only divisible by yourself?

42 shares on Discord this month:

Depression is embarrassing because sometimes it makes you miss appointments and not return phone calls, and when the fog starts to lift, you gotta do a whole bloody apology tour.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sometimes I’m grateful that thoughts don’t appear as bubbles over our heads.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

This is my emotional support online shopping cart.

77 shares on Discord this month:

Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Your 20s are for lusting after furniture you can’t afford actually.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

All pants are tear away pants if you’re strong enough.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Sorry I missed your call when I pressed decline.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be turning you into a poem.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

The advantage of being an identical twin: you only need one gym contract.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I was having a great day, and then, people.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Taking screenshots of the screenshots buried in my photo library to ‘bring them to the front.’ It’s not a great system, I admit.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Using Indeed feels like being an ugly guy on a dating app.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.

Seen just now on Threads:

I’m so thankful I had a childhood before technology took over.

Making waves on Discord:

Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

Making waves on Telegram:

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I’m proud of myself because, despite having so many expenses, I still manage to add more.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

Trending via Discord:

Within a week, we’ve had a major jewel heist, a mafia-involved poker ring, and sports gambling corruption. We’re living in the 1920s.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

You can name literally any food or drink to the dentist and they’ll be like “ohhh, that’s actually so bad for your teeth. You should only eat water and toothpaste.”

Live now on Threads:

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

Making waves on Facebook:

I had no idea being an adult would involve so many lotions.

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Activity Log ✨

My favorite part of the Bible is where God says, put a cross emoji in your bio and cheer on the dehumanization of minorities.

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

Welcome to your 50’s, you’ll look for your phone while scrolling on your phone.

I never forget to eat, but I do eat to forget.

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

Roses are pink. I need a drink.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My favorite part of the Bible is where God says, put a cross emoji in your bio and cheer on the dehumanization of minorities.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

Welcome to your 50’s, you’ll look for your phone while scrolling on your phone.

I never forget to eat, but I do eat to forget.

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

Roses are pink. I need a drink.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨