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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

I love cute tiny purses, but I’m sad to say I can never be a cute tiny purse girl. I need to haul my hoard of objects everywhere I go, because what if….

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Adulting is getting excited to go home and get into bed.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Womansplaining is when a woman tries to explain to you what you’re thinking/feeling, and is just totally 100% wrong.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

My favorite part of the Bible is when Jesus says to put a cross emoji and a Bible verse in your bio, and then call people slurs on the internet.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Gimme coffee or I’ll sleep amok!

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

The homie who’s ultimately just a pawn in your grand scheme.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Behind every great tweet is a person rolling their eyes.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

1pm, the perfect time to start doing the work I woke up early to get a jump on.

Trending via Messenger:

Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I know my limits. I don’t always obey them, but I know them.

Shared recently on Telegram:

“I’m just playing devil’s advocate here.” Ok, why are you helping the devil?

Seen just now on Discord:

It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

Trending via YouTube:

I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

My favorite part of the Bible is where God says, put a cross emoji in your bio and cheer on the dehumanization of minorities.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about social media and religion with a humorous, playful tone.

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Commentary:
Oh, I must have missed the chapter where emojis save souls! 😂✝️📱#ModernMiracles

bible, bio, cheer, cross, cross emoji, dehumanization, emoji, favorite, God, minority, put, where

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Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Why does my back always hurt?”, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair.

40 shares on Twitch this month:

I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

43 shares on Discord this month:

Without freedom of speech we wouldn’t know who the idiots are.

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

30 shares on WeChat this month:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m broke in Monopoly, and my husband just asked if I want to earn $100.

45 shares on Telegram this month:

Forget about “long story short”… I’m gonna start saying “short story long,” and take you on a journey you didn’t ask for.

77 shares on X this month:

Jane Austen gave us men who crossed fields in the rain. Mine left me on read, and liked someone else’s story.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

Going out on Friday night will always be better than going out on a Saturday night.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

The feminine urge to be the most feared witch in the village.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

One of the top features of squirrels, for me, has got to be that squirreliness.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Every few months, the urge to eat buttered toast will possess you.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

My summer body is just my winter body with better lighting.

Going viral on Twitch:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I never wanted to download the Microsoft Authenticator app on my personal phone to access every professional platform necessary to do my job.

Going viral on YouTube:

Blocking me is like blocking the sun, the moon and the stars.

Just landed via Instagram:

Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.

Spreading quickly via X:

Rapunzel, let down your CVS receipt!

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I don’t know how to knit, so I made you a tinfoil hat.

Trending via Threads:

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Going viral on Reddit:

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Japanese cats answering the phone be like, “Meowshi meowshi.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My favorite part of the Bible is where God says, put a cross emoji in your bio and cheer on the dehumanization of minorities.

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

At a job interview: think of me as the rightful heir to the throne.

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My favorite part of the Bible is where God says, put a cross emoji in your bio and cheer on the dehumanization of minorities.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

Getting left on read really gives me perspective on what Nigerian princes go through.

At a job interview: think of me as the rightful heir to the throne.

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

Adding “Free HBO” to your dating profile isn’t the game changer you’d think it’d be.

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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