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Used shampoo containing caffeine. My hair is already on its way to work.

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Better to be an overthinker than an overdrinker.

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Even on the coldest of days, thereโ€™s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

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Still canโ€™t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day.

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Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

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Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

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Math is like Chinese to me.

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Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

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People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

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Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

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My favorite part of the Bible is where God says, put a cross emoji in your bio and cheer on the dehumanization of minorities.

Witty quote about social media and religion with a humorous, playful tone.

Commentary:
Oh, I must have missed the chapter where emojis save souls! ๐Ÿ˜‚โœ๏ธ๐Ÿ“ฑ#ModernMiracles



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