My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

Commentary:
Ah, Twitter – the magical land of 🌈unicorns and 🌟rainbows, where facts are as solid as a marshmallow and kindness flows like a river of emojis. Remember, in this enchanted realm, even the trolls have hearts of gold! ✨💖🦄 #KeepingItRealOnTwitter

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

    Commentary:
    Looks like someone is navigating through the delicate dance of marriage etiquette! 😄 Remember, when it comes to wedding humor, treading lightly is always a veil-y good idea! 👰🚫💍 #HappyWifeHappyLife

  • My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

    Commentary:
    🤣 Oh, the audacity of teens these days! Asking for noise-cancelling headphones as if it’s a present for you to enjoy uninterrupted peace and quiet from their constant chatter. 🎧🙉 Good luck trying to upgrade the art of ignoring your parents, kiddo!

  • I still can’t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. I’ve got 8 of them now and don’t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs a storage unit when you can just hoard shopping carts from Aldi? 🛒🤣 Clearly, this person is taking ‘retail therapy’ to a whole new level! What’s next, a shopping cart castle in the backyard? ♛🏰”

  • NFTs were less about the money and more about the friends you scammed along the way.

    Commentary:
    “Looks like NFTs turned into ‘Non-Fungible Treacheries’! 😂🎨💸 Sorry pals, apparently friendship wasn’t as ‘immutable’ as the blockchain after all! #NFTs #CryptoScams”

  • Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

    Commentary:
    “Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave, then suddenly it’s a kitchen version of a Rubik’s cube 🧐🤔🔥 Don’t underestimate the complexity of reheating leftovers in foreign territory! 😂🍲🕒”

  • The Frankfurt School?? What are you majoring in, hot dog?

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the Frankfurt School, where we dissect the relish-ionship between sauerkraut and society! 🌭🤓 Better grab some mustard for that major! 😉”