Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

I drink all this water and for what. Just to pee? This planet is a prison.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Everybody thinks “Free Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I’d trust a groundhog over a weatherman any day.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

A pie where there isn’t pastry on the bottom isn’t a pie. It’s soup with a hat.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

For those who don’t want Alexa listening in on your conversations, they’re making a male version that doesn’t listen to anything.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,451

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

Spotted on TikTok:

I forgot to get milk, so Santa has a cup of Pepsi Max.

Seen just now on Discord:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

Live now on Discord:

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

Just shared via Slack:

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to be electrocuted and get my memory erased.

Spotted on X:

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

Trending via Twitch:

Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.

Trending via Instagram:

Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

My husband needs a hearing aid, but refuses to get one because it’s the key to our happy marriage.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When selective hearing is the real secret to a happy marriage! 😂👂❤️"

aid, communication, compromise, happy, hearing, hearing aid, humor, husband, key, marriage, needs, refusal, refuses, relationship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

0

2 months ago

cashiers, convenience, frustration, humor, idiots, problem, retail, self-checkout, shopping, technology
I’m eating for two; me and the person I strive to be.

0

2 months ago

eating, food, humor, i, me, motivation, person, self-improvement, strive
Laptops become possessed with slowness when they see that you are in a hurry.

0

2 months ago

frustration, humor, hurry, laptop, slowness, technology
First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.

0

2 months ago

activity, couple, crime, criminal, criminal history, date, date idea, first date, history, humor, idea, joke, others, relationship, search, together
My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

0

2 months ago

ability, buying, expenses, extravagant, getting, grocery, housing, humor, irony, lifestyle, money, paying, save, save money
At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

0

2 months ago

back, day, filter, holding, humor, inappropriate, inappropriate thought, least, mental, mental filter, self-control, spent, struggle, thought, thoughts

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on X this month:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little riddles you get to solve later.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

59 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

12 shares on X this month:

“I don’t do politics.” Politics will do you, my brother and sister. Politics will do you like mad.

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

74 shares on Slack this month:

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.

99 shares on Slack this month:

Silently hoping for a comet to strike, to get out of today’s responsibilities.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

My favorite pastime is looking for meaning where there is none.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Spent most of the day making sure the couch still works. So far so good.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m full of rage, but in a very chill and nonchalant way.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Aren’t you a little old to be a bully?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

Meeting Beyoncé and telling her I loved her in Goldmember and mentioning nothing about her music career, just to see if it throws her off.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

Just landed via Facebook:

The cool side of the pillow just stole my boyfriend.

Spotted on Instagram:

I use subtitles so if I learn anything interesting I can say “I was reading about” instead of “I saw on an episode of Love Island”

Making waves on Pinterest:

Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

Seen just now on Discord:

Nothing is complicated when you’re simple-minded like me.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

When I was young I fixed my parents’ computer and now that I’m older I fix computers for my kids. Are we the only generation that knows how computers work?

Seen just now on WeChat:

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

Making waves on Snapchat:

After a month away and enough pasta to scare an Italian grandma, I can confirm: too much Parmesan? Never heard of her.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My husband needs a hearing aid, but refuses to get one because it’s the key to our happy marriage.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

I’m eating for two; me and the person I strive to be.

Laptops become possessed with slowness when they see that you are in a hurry.

First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.

My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨