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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Welcome to your 40’s: See that kid dressed up like a cop? He is a cop.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Dear Stomach, you’re bored, not hungry. So shut up.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Babe, would it kill you to meow back?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,692

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on X:

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

Freshly posted on Slack:

If Spotify has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t know the correct lyrics to any of my favorite songs.

Just landed via Instagram:

On a scale of quack to quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, what do you think of my duck-based numbering system?

Trending via Telegram:

I never judge a book by its cover. People, though, I can tell are evil by their stupid faces.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

Spotted on Snapchat:

You used to calm me on my cell phone!

Going viral on YouTube:

A hot coffee and a crispy bagel doesn’t change anything but it can’t hurt.

My Indian name would be “Stares at Phone All Day.”

4 months ago

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Commentary:
If my spirit animal was Wi-Fi, I'd be unstoppable! 📱😂

addiction, day, humor, indian, Indian name, name, phone, phone addiction, smartphone, stares, staring, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

1 month ago
alternate, alternate universe, dreams, fantasy, humor, imagination, me, sex, universe
Nothing humbles me faster than my phone camera accidentally turning on.

1 month ago
accidental, accidental photo, accidentally, camera, embarrassment, faster, humor, me, nothing, phone, phone camera, photo, selfie, surprise, technology, turning
I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

1 month ago
am, America, depression, economy, enter, health, humor, i, mental, mental health, relate, too
I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

1 month ago
baby, baby Jesus, Christmas, die, Die Hard, family, film, hard, holiday, humor, Jesus, Nativity, scene, tradition, TV, watch
I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

1 month ago
amazing, downhill, events, humor, i, love, Olympic, piece, pieces, sliding, sport, winter, Winter Olympic, winter sport, wood
People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

1 month ago
asleep, fall, freak, humor, i, me, mean, people, quick, relax, sleep, thoughts

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Rewatching my story every time somebody heart it to see what they see.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Why sleep when you can stay up all night overthinking?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

I’m going back to the 90s, if anyone wants to come.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

A man’s home is his castle, but his garage is his sanctuary.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’ll never salute you, General Settings.

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Activity Log ✨

My Indian name would be “Stares at Phone All Day.”

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

Nothing humbles me faster than my phone camera accidentally turning on.

I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

Can you lose weight by running away from your feelings?

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

I would really like to meet this “other candidate” who keeps taking all the jobs I’ve been applying to.

I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

Manipulative birthday text to an ex idea: thank you for loving me briefly in the way that only you could.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I always have a bad connection in my head when someone tries to explain a card or board game to me.

My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.

I’d enjoy summer a lot more if someone came by hourly and misted me like produce.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

To all of you who have never tried blindfold archery: You don’t know what you’re missing!

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Girl cats get named after ancient goddesses and boy cats get named after Taco Bell menu items.

Why learn new slang? Stay bogus.

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

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My Indian name would be “Stares at Phone All Day.”

Related Funny Posts 🤝

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

Nothing humbles me faster than my phone camera accidentally turning on.

I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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