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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I’m waiting for the perfect moment to stop procrastinating.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Just say, “My future husband would never do that,” and move on.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Summer Olympics is just me swimming in sweat and wrestling with my sports bra.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

For whom the doom scrolls!

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

A little time spent not acting your age is never a bad thing.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,690

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

Making waves on X:

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I have money, then I don’t have money, it all happens so fast!

Freshly posted on Threads:

At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.

Making waves on WeChat:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

Shared recently on Threads:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

Making waves on WeChat:

Nobody could stop me if I wasn’t tired all the time.

Just shared via WeChat:

I’m homeless. Minus the ‘m’.

My Indian name would be “Stares at Phone All Day.”

1 month ago

Playful quote about tech obsession, humorously naming an Indian identity related to phone habits.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
If my spirit animal was Wi-Fi, I'd be unstoppable! 📱😂

addiction, day, humor, indian, Indian name, name, phone, phone addiction, smartphone, stares, staring, technology

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10 shares on Instagram this month:

Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

94 shares on WhatsApp this month:

In a room full of art, I’d still stare at you.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

I hate managing money, I was born to splurge.

42 shares on WeChat this month:

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

76 shares on Threads this month:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

88 shares on Messenger this month:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

A woman’s G-spot can be found at the end of the word shopping.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

58 shares on TikTok this month:

What is the morning wood equivalent for women, and why do I always have it?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

How can I be ready for the future when I’m not even ready to get up in the morning?

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Why be pretty when you can be pretty weird?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

I’m equally comfortable holding a guitar as I am holding a baby, I just hold them both by the neck.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

If I’m ever the problem, you’re the reason.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn’t be allowed to talk.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Since it’s impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Body by sandwich.

Breaking via Snapchat:

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

Spotted on YouTube:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

Shared recently on Telegram:

The funniest thing I heard an elder say, “My generation had Wonder Woman, your generation has to wonder if it’s a woman.”

Just landed via Twitch:

Hear me out: a streaming service that doesn’t keep increasing their prices and actually has movies you want to watch.

Making waves on X:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Seen just now on Facebook:

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

Trending via YouTube:

Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

Spotted on X:

I’m proud of myself because, despite having so many expenses, I still manage to add more.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My Indian name would be “Stares at Phone All Day.”

Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend’s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

You are my favorite dirty thought.

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

We could have high-speed rail that connects the entire country, but instead we get AI porn bots that steal all of our drinking water to entertain the dumbest people alive.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My Indian name would be “Stares at Phone All Day.”

Keep the laugh going 😂

Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend’s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

You are my favorite dirty thought.

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

I touched grass today, and I’m still like this. Please advise.

We could have high-speed rail that connects the entire country, but instead we get AI porn bots that steal all of our drinking water to entertain the dumbest people alive.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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