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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

When someone giving me directions says, “You can’t miss it,” I would love to tell them just how wrong they were if I could find my way back to them.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Where did you come from, Where did you go, Where did you come from, Pokémon Go.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Dating for love isn’t working. Now I’m dating to conduct psychological experiments and collect data.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Every guy wants to be called Daddy till that test comes back positive.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

“I’m gonna sneak past you.” No you’re not. You’ve alerted me.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

I’m the ick in fantastic.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Thinking of telling my extra weight that I love it so that it can leave me too.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

How coked up was the guy that came up with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2531 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,693

Funny Quotes Topics

15,358

Funny Quotes Images

12,693

Updated

3 minutes ago

Users Online

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Discord:

This book ain’t got no pictures.

Making waves on YouTube:

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

Just shared via Telegram:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

Making waves on Messenger:

Holding this fart in feels like I’m pregnant with a dinosaur.

Making waves on Instagram:

My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

Spotted on TikTok:

If I were Noah, I’d bring three of every animal just to create some drama.

Just landed via Slack:

Best tips for saving money: lay down and don’t move.

Shared recently on Instagram:

If I sing “Hello” and you think of “Lionel Richie” and not “Adele,” then you can probably predict the weather with one of your knees.

My life plans are fading like Marty McFly’s family photo.

My life plans are fading like Marty McFly’s family photo.
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Commentary:
"BRB, trying to hit 88 mph to save my plans! 🚗💨📸 #BackToReality"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2531 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,693

Funny Quotes Topics

15,358

Funny Quotes Images

12,693

Updated

3 minutes ago

Users Online

3,464

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

The only warning I take seriously these days is when my cell phone battery is low.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same!

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

When I die, throw me on Mount Everest so it looks like I was trying to do something.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Piñatas are a fun way to intentionally maim the guests at your party.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Asking a film guy, “Who is that?” when Tom Cruise comes on screen just to feel something.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

Just shared via Reddit:

Nothing hits harder than opening the fridge for the fifth time, hoping new food magically appeared.

Just landed via Twitch:

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

Going viral on X:

I’ve been closer to death than a stable relationship.

Broadcasted on X:

We always asked “where is Waldo” but never “who is Waldo hiding from”.

Just shared via Slack:

I’m trying to cut back on how much sense I make.

Trending via Twitch:

My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

Just shared via Slack:

I want to become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Remember when we were kids and did everything we could to grow up? We were so stupid!

Making waves on WeChat:

My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.

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