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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

That moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Fitness influencer: It’s important to listen to your body. Body: You’re old. And you want lasagna.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

My doctor told me to try a milk bath. Adding the Cinnamon Toast Crunch was my idea.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Me: what can possibly go wrong though. Anxiety: I’m glad you asked.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

They should invent a day where it all works out.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,474

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on X:

People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier.

Just shared via Twitch:

I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.

Just shared via WeChat:

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always known I wanted to be a woman with a lot of money when I grew up.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Spiders have the whole world to explore but still try to come up in my house.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I didn’t forget about you; my algorithm did.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Parents be like, “I gave you everything I had,” and by everything, they meant the collector’s edition boxed set of mental illness.

Going viral on Instagram:

The worst part of all-you-can-eat buffets are all the witnesses.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

When I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now, these bills got me afraid of the light.

Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don't want to… I'll Do It Later 😅💤 #ProcrastinationChampion"

challenge, humor, i, irony, just, just do it, me, motivation, Nike, personal, personal challenge, procrastination, reluctance, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news.

0

3 months ago

communication, cool, figure, going, humor, information, media, meme, memes, news, social, social media, through, Twitter, watching, world
Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

0

2 months ago

again, dislike, divorce, getting, give, going, house, humor, i, love, marriage, married, relationship, sarcasm, woman
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

0

2 months ago

fear, height, humor, irony, me, people, perspective, phobia, width
The government even made aliens boring.

0

2 months ago

aliens, boring, even, government, humor, satire
Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

0

2 months ago

being, business, consultant, fun, humor, invoice, maybe, sarcasm, work
If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

0

2 months ago

bear, ever, fight, gummy, hope, humor, i, joke, wish

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m still annoyed that you can catch Covid more than once. I can’t explain why, but it feels kind of rude.

72 shares on Twitch this month:

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Bro, you will never rewatch that 7-minute video you took of fireworks. Just live in the moment.

97 shares on Pinterest this month:

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

41 shares on Telegram this month:

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

90 shares on Messenger this month:

Hey (threateningly), can I join your years-old, tight-knit, close friend group?

32 shares on TikTok this month:

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

So many people to disappoint, so little time.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

This meeting could have been a cake.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

I’m old enough to remember when rainbows were in black and white.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

My soulmate is probably out there, wondering if there’s life on earth.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Food gives you energy to nap more.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Adulting is getting excited to go home and get into bed.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

I may join the cicadas this summer and just scream for six weeks straight.

Trending via YouTube:

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Some people are like “I’m a people pleaser,” and not a single person is pleased with them.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

Going bananas on Twitch:

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

Just landed via Reddit:

Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

Spreading quickly via X:

Ghost stories sound way scarier with an English accent.

Seen just now on Discord:

Five out of six people find Russian Roulette to be a safe activity.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Imagining how cathartic it must feel to send forth thousands and thousands of bats from your Transylvanian manor.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news.

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

The government even made aliens boring.

Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨