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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Put my height in bio. Hope it lands me a girlfriend.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need a special occasion to buy a cake.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

I stay up late every night, regret it in the morning, and the next day I do it all over again.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s a badass until the doorbell rings.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Instead of those cute mini pizzas, they should invent gigantic ones that take four people to carry.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,681

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

The other day, I got the crazy idea to see if I could still do a cartwheel. I can’t.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I feel like whoever named them rice cakes has never actually eaten a cake.

Live now on Instagram:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Going viral on X:

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Just shared via Instagram:

Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

Just shared via Twitch:

Eating trail mix should count as hiking.

Trending via Reddit:

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Not smiling until Friday; nothing is funny this week.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Welcome to your 50’s, you’ll look for your phone while scrolling on your phone.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

Witty quote about a mischievous oldest son blaming his little brother for trouble.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like Big Bro's got a black belt in shifting blame! 🥋👊 Sibling rivalry at its finest! 😂 #ClassicSiblingDrama"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

25 shares on TikTok this month:

This year I’d like an advent calendar with 24 different tranquilizers.

29 shares on X this month:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

38 shares on Instagram this month:

We’re all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.

57 shares on Snapchat this month:

At what age do people actually meet up to play bingo? I’m ready.

82 shares on WeChat this month:

I make her eyes roll back. Not in bed though. I’m just annoying.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

Nobody is meaner to me than me. So take your shot.

25 shares on Threads this month:

Opposites often not only attract each other, they often also undress each other.

77 shares on Reddit this month:

Sometimes nature makes art, like trees, waterfalls, and the human butt.

74 shares on Threads this month:

Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at the age where any time my mom asks if I remember so-and-so from high school, the news is never good.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a brain that wants to be alone, and a heart that wants to be loved.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I have no prime. I will evolve till I die.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

You can put refrigerator magnets on your car, too. There are no rules.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The sexiest thing a man can do is have a problem-solving mentality.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Would rather walk around a shop 500 times to find something than ask a member of staff who works there like a normal person.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,715

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Don’t ruin a good sundress by wearing panties.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

SHEIN does entirely too much on their app. Feels like a freaking casino every time you open it.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

People out here living double lives, and I’m barely even holding a single life together.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I just heard someone refer to Texas as “Howdy Arabia” and I still haven’t stopped laughing.

Spotted on Slack:

People who talk about fruit having too much sugar scare me so bad. Please get back, you wicked witch!

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Scrolling should count as cardio.

Going viral on Twitch:

A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

Just shared via Slack:

You guys can continue with the week, I’ve stopped here.

Making waves on X:

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Oftentimes, I like the idea of an activity. The actual doing of said activity, not so much.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I wonder if the fall of Rome was this stupid.

Going viral on Messenger:

You know what brought my home value up? Not having an angry man in it.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I also want them to get lice.

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