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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.”

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

People without a sense of humor should not be allowed to decide what people with a sense of humor are allowed to laugh at.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Honestly, I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I don’t wanna brag, but I’ve been told I’m micro-management material.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,445

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Saying “essentially” is a more sophisticated way of saying “basically.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Spotted on TikTok:

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

Making waves on TikTok:

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

Spotted on Facebook:

I forgot how weird November is. There’s no afternoon; it’s just night after 3 p.m.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

Breaking via Pinterest:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Spotted on Facebook:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

Not to brag, but I’ve done nothing for several hours.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Achieving grandmaster status in relaxation, one nap at a time! 😴🏆

brag, done, hours, humor, idleness, inactivity, laziness, nothing, procrastination, relaxation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

0

2 months ago

dog, doggy, doggy style, humor, i, joke, means, right, style, treat
What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

0

2 months ago

buy, clueless, day, gift, humor, i, idea, likes, love, misunderstanding, once, relationship, valentine’s, Valentine’s Day, wife
Everyone hates math until their paycheck looks funny, then all of a sudden you know trigonometry.

0

2 months ago

education, everyone, hate, humor, irony, know, looks, math, money, paycheck, trigonometry
The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.

0

3 weeks ago

angel, both, conflict, devil, frustration, humor, inner, inner conflict, me, self-awareness, shoulder, shoulders
You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

0

2 months ago

beautiful, beauty, combative, contrast, detained, humor, interaction, personality, personality contrast, questioning, sarcasm, situation, unexpected, unexpected situation
Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

0

2 months ago

am, circumstances, control, humor, i, irony, job, responsibility, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Twitch this month:

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

26 shares on TikTok this month:

My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Girls only want one thing, and it’s to be photographed candidly on 35mm film.

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

An adventure and a dragon would cure me.

43 shares on Slack this month:

Rehab is a great place to meet people that like Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”

12 shares on Twitch this month:

Friends with consequences.

41 shares on X this month:

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

97 shares on Pinterest this month:

Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

31 shares on WeChat this month:

People text “Happy New Year” and go missing for the rest of the year!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Being a parent means hearing a noise at 3 a.m. and hoping it’s just a ghost and not your toddler getting up again.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Life would be so much simpler if you could just smack the stupid out of people instead having to reason with them.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

There is no physical evidence to say that today is Tuesday, we all just have to trust that someone kept count since the first one ever.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Jan 1st: Avocado on whole grain toast with a protein shake. Jan 20th: Syrup comes from a tree so technically it’s a vegetable.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Tariff this, tariff that. When is somebody gonna tariff my clothes and kiss me?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

Just shared via Instagram:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Just shared via Instagram:

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

Making waves on Reddit:

You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here.

Going bananas on Instagram:

It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Just blocked all the ugly people, so if you see this… what’s up, big sexy?

Shared recently on X:

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Not to brag, but I’ve done nothing for several hours.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

Everyone hates math until their paycheck looks funny, then all of a sudden you know trigonometry.

The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.

You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨