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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

You used to calm me on my cell phone!

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Sorry, I can’t today. I have to sit in my room and make matters worse.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Sometimes I wonder if the plot ever gets tired of being twisted.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Limbo is the only sport where being really bad at it means you’re raising the bar.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Jan 11, 2026

3,584

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Trending via Slack:

Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

Going viral on X:

Bro, did you seriously just forget about Dre?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Dear liars, I hope every pair of pants you own are on fire.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m not afraid of ghosts because everyone who’s mad at me is still alive.

Just landed via Facebook:

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Terrifying if taken literally—if these walls could talk.

Going viral on Facebook:

Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

Just landed via Facebook:

Dear music, thanks!

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

2 months ago

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
👻 "Seriously, tall ghosts in horror movies? That's just historically inaccurate haunting! Do those ghosts have secret access to growth spurt potions or what? Maybe they just stretched their bed sheets too much in the afterlife… 👻📜 #GhostGrowthSpurts"

accuracy, anger, born, comedy, ghost, ghosts, height, historical, historical accuracy, horror, me, movie, nothing, research, screenwriter, tall

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The worst part about getting sucked up by the tornado you’re filming is to die knowing your wife was right. You are an idiot.

2 months ago

die, filming, getting, humor, idiot, irony, knowing, regret, right, tornado, wife, worst, worst part
The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

2 months ago

forgive, hope, humor, love, relationships, second, stupidity, third, time
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

2 months ago

furniture, humor, irony, joke, living, own, sell, trouble
If there are parallel realities, I really hope they’re not as stupid as this one.

3 months ago

alternate, alternate universe, hope, humor, i, intelligence, parallel, parallel reality, reality, sarcasm, stupid, stupidity, universe
The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision.

5 months ago

comparison, difference, humor, i, joke, me, need, super, super vision, superman, supervision, vision, wordplay
Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

5 months ago

confidence, crazy, humor, i, knowing, never, night, self-acceptance, sleep, ugly

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hate when people say “It could be worse” because it could be better, too.

26 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

44 shares on Twitch this month:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

100 shares on Telegram this month:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

29 shares on Reddit this month:

Hold on, I just need to take off my glasses and put my face in my hands about it first.

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesn’t work.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

90 shares on Slack this month:

Have y’all tried calories? They’re so good.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish there were an option to turn off the Wi-Fi connection for WhatsApp only.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You know the nap is good when it left you marks.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a crush on someone is just having a lack of information on someone.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Flirting with submissives is actually really easy. All you gotta do is send a gif of a small animal and say, ‘This is so you.’

21 folks are currently checking 👀

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

She’s the kind of beautiful that makes me do 40 push-ups in my room at 3am.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,501

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Sorry for having no idea what the hell I am doing. It will happen again.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

People ask you, “are you crazy”, and then get scared when you answer, “yes”.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Whoever told you there’s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

They should invent a day where I feel normal.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Stop telling people to grow up. Have you seen adults?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

I just be minding my business, and next thing you know, a payment is due.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Why spend like $300 Dollars on a pair of shoes? Do you know how many chicken nuggets you can buy with that money?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

My greatest flaw is that I will try any specialty lemonade. 90% of them are nearly undrinkable, but I persevere.

Trending via Telegram:

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The most dangerous part of your 50s is those first few steps after prolonged sitting.

Trending via Slack:

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

Making waves on X:

America’s national anthem should be changed to Welcome to the Jungle.

Breaking via TikTok:

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

Freshly posted on Threads:

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

Just shared via Threads:

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

Trending via LinkedIn:

That was the last cup of coffee in my life. From tomorrow I’ll be drinking straight from the pot.

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Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴