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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Remember when you could lay in one position for hours, now you have to rotate like a rotisserie chicken every 15 minutes or a hip hurts.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here making love.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Sometimes it’s not a secret, it’s just none of your business.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

The devil is keeping him alive to avoid spending eternity with him in hell.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I stopped experimenting in bed after the great honey disaster of 2015.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

353 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,622

Funny Quotes Topics

17,673

Funny Quotes Images

15,622

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,685

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"At least he won't need a hearing aid yet! 🐶💤👴🤣"

dog, family, grandpa, humor, joke, loud, nickname, pet, snore

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

During arguments with idiots, I wish I could throw a flash bang and disappear.

2 months ago

annoyance, argument, arguments, bang, comedy, disappear, flash, frustration, humor, i, idiots, sarcasm, self-expression, thinking, throw, wish, wishful, wishful thinking, witty
I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

2 months ago

daily, daily life, date, day, frustration, hate, humor, i, impossibility, impossible, kids, life, me, parenting, questions
“That’s an interesting take,” I say, not listening.

2 months ago

communication, conversation, dismissive, humor, i, interesting, irony, listening, sarcastic, say, take
Yesterday, thieves broke into my home. They searched everywhere and found nothing. They beat me up, telling me to work harder.

2 months ago

beat, beating, broke, everywhere, found, harder, home, humor, joke, laziness, me, motivation, nothing, robbery, search, telling, thief, work, yesterday
I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.

2 months ago

humble, humor, i, keep, lessons, life, life lessons, mess, mess up, myself, self-deprecation, time
Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

2 months ago

comedy, humor, jehovah’s, Jehovah’s Witness, jokes, knock, knock knock, religion, tell, witness, witnesses, worst

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hope the babies I was born with at the hospital are doing good.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

74 shares on Slack this month:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

A pessimist is just an optimist playing hard to get.

84 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

82 shares on Discord this month:

My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

96 shares on Reddit this month:

You can tell a group isn’t gonna make it big just by their name.

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again, and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo?

10 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

72 shares on Twitch this month:

Explain it to me like I’m 5 drinks in.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Maybe the four horsemen of the apocalypse are Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

I literally never want to be the bigger person again. We can both go to hell.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

If they’re called leggings, why is your stomach in there?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Of course there’s birth control for men. It’s called the way they act.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

Shared recently on Telegram:

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

Trending via Telegram:

I don’t understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

Making waves on TikTok:

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

Spotted on Twitch:

Wild how we don’t get a public holiday for Wrestlemania, but okay.

Making waves on Discord:

What I’m trying to say is, “Hello, here’s my entire heart and all of my devotion.”

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

Making waves on Instagram:

I’d be a horrible stalker… I’m always late.

Seen just now on Messenger:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

Just landed via WeChat:

90s scientists: we cloned a sheep. we landed a robot on mars. Scientists today: for the last time, the earth is round.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

During arguments with idiots, I wish I could throw a flash bang and disappear.

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

“That’s an interesting take,” I say, not listening.

Yesterday, thieves broke into my home. They searched everywhere and found nothing. They beat me up, telling me to work harder.

I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨