Sorry, I can’t hang out tomorrow. I hung out with people a week ago and I’m still recovering from that. Posted onMay 25, 2026
WhatsApp calls should indicate whose internet is poor to avoid unnecessary arguments. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I crashed my bike in 1989 and hurt my knee real bad. We didn’t have social media back then so I’m telling you guys now. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone. Posted onMay 25, 2026
“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them? Posted onMay 25, 2026
Having Christmas off in the middle of the work week and then forcing us to go back to work the next day feels so illegal. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I am thinking of watching a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend? Posted onMay 25, 2026
I still get so surprised every time someone I find attractive finds me attractive. Like, are you sure? Posted onMay 25, 2026