If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth. Posted onMay 25, 2026
You know you’re old when you you barely do anything all day, but still need a nap to continue doing barely anything. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday! Posted onMay 25, 2026
Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things. Posted onMay 25, 2026
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Don’t ever let your computer feel that you’re in a hurry, cause they’re gonna slow down more. Posted onMay 25, 2026
When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.” Posted onMay 25, 2026
A fun wedding bit is to sit next to a random guest, point to the bride or groom & whisper, “it should’ve been you” Posted onMay 25, 2026
Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’ Posted onMay 25, 2026
If my neighbors would just talk a little louder I could follow along with their conversation, but no. Rude. Posted onMay 25, 2026
This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Remember when we were young we wanted to stay up for New Year’s? Now we’re old and cursing because we’re staying up past 9:30 and our entire sleep routine is disturbed. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth. Posted onMay 25, 2026
If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them. Posted onMay 25, 2026