I be having full arguments in my head, then walk around mad like someone actually said something to me. Posted onMay 28, 2026
When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty. Posted onMay 28, 2026
A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her. Posted onMay 28, 2026
It’s jarring for me when there are British people in the Midwest. How did you get this far inland? Posted onMay 28, 2026
I’ve tasted being the bigger person, I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact. Posted onMay 28, 2026
One thing that sucks about being grown-up is not being able to say, “My mom said no,” when you don’t want someone to come over. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning. Posted onMay 28, 2026
The human brain is amazing. It functions 24/7 from the day we’re born and only stops when you’re taking a test or speaking to someone attractive. Posted onMay 28, 2026
I’ve discovered that my visiting family members leave crumbs in the butter. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Wanna know a real adult life hack? Don’t tell anyone when you have a day off. Absolutely no one. Posted onMay 28, 2026
I love when people say “be yourself,” like I haven’t already been doing that and scaring everyone off. Posted onMay 28, 2026
I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man. Posted onMay 28, 2026
When I die, I hope it’s early in the morning, so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Flying bugs can basically go anywhere they want, but still choose to fly right into your face. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Why is no one talking about the sheer pleasure of coming home from vacation and using your own bathroom. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Teens are like, “My homework isn’t done, but check out this presentation I made on why I need Instagram.” Posted onMay 28, 2026
Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want. Posted onMay 28, 2026