Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

The other day, I got the crazy idea to see if I could still do a cartwheel. I can’t.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

I have more trips planned than I have money.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Just call me Mother Nature because I can go from hot to cold in a 24-hour period, too.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

God invented war so that Americans can learn geography.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,243

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Don’t throw hate at me, throw money!

Trending via Instagram:

If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.

Breaking via Slack:

Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

No, he didn’t ghost you, you just left him speechless, forever.

Just shared via Telegram:

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Trending via Threads:

I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

Spotted on Instagram:

What if all the ancient Greek sculptures are actually victims of Medusa?

Partying hard on this Friday night, and by partying hard, I mean laying on my bed starfish-style.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Living that wild Friday life: horizontal and in full starfish glory! 🌟🛌✨"

bed, comfort, Friday, Friday night, hard, humor, i, laying, laziness, mean, night, party, partying, relaxation, self-care, starfish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

0

2 months ago

brother, died, excuse, fish, friend, friends, grandpa, grandson, humor, i, mother, sister, sorry, today, tragedy, uncle
The name Ella is short for Mozzarella.

0

2 months ago

comparison, Ella, food, funny comparison, humor, joke, mozzarella, name, short, wordplay
Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

0

2 months ago

around, awkwardness, casual, casual interaction, contact, crazy, everyday, everyday life, eye, eye contact, humor, humorous, humorous observation, interaction, just, let, life, making, me, observation, saying, self-awareness, sidewalk, social, social awkwardness, strangers, walk
God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

0

2 months ago

all-forgetting, all-knowing, forgetfulness, God, humor, ID, wisdom
As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, everything, hate, humor, normal, older, perspective, realization, realize, Smurf
Waiting in the grocery store parking lot for the rotisserie chickens to be ready. The thrill of the hunt.

0

3 months ago

chicken, food, food humor, grocery, grocery store, humor, hunt, lot, parking, parking lot, ready, rotisserie, rotisserie chicken, shopping, shopping humor, store, thrill, waiting

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Threads this month:

The sandwich I made for lunch didn’t even make it until 10am.

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Everyone on the bus thinks that they are the main character, when in reality the main character is the bus.

96 shares on Messenger this month:

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

I only look up to people that are taller than me and really that’s about the extent of it.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, “Before you leave.” No. I already made the decision.

93 shares on Threads this month:

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

17 shares on Twitch this month:

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

28 shares on TikTok this month:

Switching between brainrot and deep intellectual talks is a skill that only a few acquire.

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

First date idea: we deactivate your Instagram.

40 shares on Discord this month:

The internet is fun because you can post about mayonnaise and somehow end up in a fight.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

People should come with warning labels.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

By the time I remember to text back, it be too disrespectful to even do it.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

A fun thing to do at work is call in sick and stay home.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday, and ruins it for us.

Shared recently on Slack:

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Trending via Discord:

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

Freshly posted on Slack:

“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I really admire the suns ability to be exactly where my car’s visor can’t block it out.

Seen just now on Telegram:

If a beer is 8 bucks, it’s a show. If a beer is 14 bucks, it’s a concert.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Desperately searching the dating app settings for an option to turn down the difficulty level.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Doomscrolling: because who doesn’t love anxiety as a hobby?

Live now on Facebook:

The spelling of “bourgeoisie” was intended as yet another means of oppression.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Partying hard on this Friday night, and by partying hard, I mean laying on my bed starfish-style.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

The name Ella is short for Mozzarella.

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

Waiting in the grocery store parking lot for the rotisserie chickens to be ready. The thrill of the hunt.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨