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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

I want a pet eagle that’s trained to steal people’s sandwiches for me.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Don’t be ashamed to fart while you urinate, cause there is no rain without thunder.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Sports are better when you have hate in your heart.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,451

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

An escape room, but it’s just your high school reunion.

Spreading quickly via X:

My brain has too many tabs open.

Just landed via WeChat:

Set my sex robot to boyfriend mode and now it’s liking other girls’ pictures on Insta.

Trending via Instagram:

The great thing about playing the trombone is no one knows if you’re good at it or not.

Shared recently on Facebook:

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

Making waves on Discord:

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

Breaking via Slack:

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Trending via TikTok:

My doubters will become my grouters when I remodel the bathroom of success.

Going viral on TikTok:

Deleted all dating apps, instead I’m just going to walk into a grocery store and look confused.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

Peloton guy yelling “two more, one more” but it’s me eating Cheetos.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Me trying to motivate myself like the Peloton guy – 'two more Cheetos, one more Cheeto!' 🚴‍♂️🧀 #FitnessGoals #SnackAttacks"

cheetos, eating, exercise, fitness, guy, humor, indulgence, irony, me, motivation, Peloton, snack, yelling

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47 shares on Slack this month:

Had some plain yogurt with protein powder in it for breakfast, and not only is it high in protein and very filling, it’s also disgusting.

71 shares on LinkedIn this month:

To the tune of ‘Everybody Dance Now’: Himalayan Sea Salt

93 shares on Facebook this month:

You wear a white shirt and all of a sudden everybody wants to go eat spaghetti.

56 shares on YouTube this month:

Why be just a part of the solution when you can be the whole problem?

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

A degree in international law is about as real as a degree in Dothraki.

23 shares on Instagram this month:

For security reasons, I highly recommend that you leave one of your children home during the holidays to set elaborate booby traps in case of intruders.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

31 shares on WeChat this month:

The best way to use Twitter will forever be as an observer.

40 shares on Discord this month:

Dating these days is like trusting a crackhead to come back with your change.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Going from “I can fix her” to “I don’t care if she lives or dies” in the same beer.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

There are advantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it. There are disadvantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

A person’s character can be read quite reliably from the way he or she interacts with service personnel.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

Going bananas on Facebook:

“You’re overthinking this!” Bro, I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available.

Trending via Threads:

Don’t worry, man, we can probably Photoshop the deep and enduring sadness out of your eyes later.

Going viral on Threads:

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

Spotted on Reddit:

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

Spotted on Threads:

“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Yeah, because I won’t be leaving my bed.

Trending via Discord:

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware.

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Activity Log ✨

Peloton guy yelling “two more, one more” but it’s me eating Cheetos.

Got a scam email full of mistakes like they’re not even trying. It won’t be long before AI takes their jobs.

My ducks are not even remotely in a row. My ducks are in places no duck has ever gone before.

I hope my email finds you enraged.

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

“Fox Mulder” is an aggressively sexy name.

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Peloton guy yelling “two more, one more” but it’s me eating Cheetos.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Got a scam email full of mistakes like they’re not even trying. It won’t be long before AI takes their jobs.

My ducks are not even remotely in a row. My ducks are in places no duck has ever gone before.

I hope my email finds you enraged.

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

“Fox Mulder” is an aggressively sexy name.

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨