Peloton guy yelling “two more, one more” but it’s me eating Cheetos.

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So many mistakes to make, so little time.

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I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

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As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

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I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

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The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

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I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

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Deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he and his donkey rescue me from a tower guarded by a dragon).

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RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

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When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”

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Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?