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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

You get to choose which path you take. I see some of you have chosen the psychopath.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

My tapeworm is starting a podcast about the McRib.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

God saw you do that.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

I’m perfectly approachable as long as you’re carrying a plate of nachos.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

I put the “sexy” in “dyslexic.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,259

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

Going viral on Messenger:

Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

Spotted on Messenger:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the best thirst trap poster of them all?

Making waves on YouTube:

Don’t forget to have an orgasm today. Partner is optional. Pleasure is not.

Spotted on Telegram:

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

Just landed via WeChat:

I think it’s healthy to be a little horny at all times.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

Freshly posted on X:

I bet the kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were surprised when found out their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Trending via Instagram:

Need to clean the fridge, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

Playful quote about leaving behind old-fashioned kite flying adventures.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah yes, a world without kites—finally my true enemy, the wind, can focus on messing up my hair instead! 🌬️😩🎈

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Facebook this month:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

46 shares on TikTok this month:

Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

46 shares on Threads this month:

Please respond to the messages I almost sent you.

21 shares on X this month:

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

Parenting sometimes feels like you’re an elevator. Lots of ups and downs and the kids love to push your buttons.

72 shares on Threads this month:

Every word wishes it could sound as fun as falafel.

47 shares on Threads this month:

Winnie the Pooh had the right idea in this goddam heat. Crop top with his honey pot facing the world.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

Do you also have teenagers whose styling motto is: freeze to death for coolness?

71 shares on Facebook this month:

Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’

84 shares on Slack this month:

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

God ate when he created sleep, what a beautiful concept.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Instagram is literally just screenshots of Twitter.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Strangers vomiting their beliefs all over you every day is not good for the soul.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Pretty sure the inventor of noise-canceling headphones had a young kid trying to learn an instrument.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Sure the Lego botanical sets are great but dusting them is another story.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Shout out to the dude who flipped me off in traffic. Making me feel all nostalgic for California, thank you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,323

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Intelligence is now free, and the golden age of the nerd is over.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Taking off my house pajamas to put on my errands pajamas.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

My doctor no longer prescribes me Viagra. He just left me hanging.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

I’m proud of myself because, despite having so many expenses, I still manage to add more.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

If food delivery apps had never been invented, I would either be wildly rich or dead.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Discord:

I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

Spotted on X:

Bro, did you really just mix up e.g. and i.e. in front of the hoes?

Trending via Facebook:

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

Making waves on Instagram:

Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

Live now on WeChat:

God knew I would be too powerful if I had conversation skills.

Just shared via WeChat:

Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

Shared recently on X:

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…

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