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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

If Twitter has taught me anything, a lot of us aren’t ready for a spelling bee.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

No, you’re not a “prompt engineer,” you’re a sloperator.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,416

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

Tall people make me nervous. What the hell are you doing up there? Stop eating the leaves off that tree.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Everyone hates math until their paycheck looks funny, then all of a sudden you know trigonometry.

Just landed via Discord:

That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

Seen just now on Slack:

I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Drinking a couple of beers and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption, and just petting my horse and feeding it apples.

Just shared via Threads:

The more I use social media, the more I see why children shouldn’t.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Pilot is one of the few jobs where you can get fired for going above and beyond.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote comparing pizza rolls to cozy pillows, highlighting their fun, comforting vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Dreaming of a nap on a pizza roll mattress, but I might eat my bed! 😴🍕

comfort, comfort food, comparison, food, food comparison, humor, little, pillow, pillows, pizza, pizza roll, roll, rolls, snack

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Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Twitch this month:

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s all fun and games until it’s 10 p.m., you’re all cozy in bed, and you remember you still have laundry in the washer.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s getting slide guitar and harmonica hot outside.

23 shares on Slack this month:

If he has other girls who make him smile, be different and make him cry.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

I used to love going out with people. Now I weigh the pros and cons of human interaction, like it’s a business decision.

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Twitter is fun because you can tweet about hashbrowns and someone will say you are responsible for genocide.

83 shares on Slack this month:

Curly fries are my favorite as they’re salty and spiraling, like me.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

100 shares on Slack this month:

Everyone’s worried about a recession, but babes, we’re heading for a dark age.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

She’s the kind of beautiful that makes me do 40 push-ups in my room at 3am.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Water bottle leaking in your bag is a top 10 worst experience.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

If I were you, I would rather be me.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

I’m not actively avoiding you. I don’t actively do anything.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I liked you too much.

Spotted on Threads:

To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Stop playing with me.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

Going viral on TikTok:

I need a break from me.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

Just landed via Facebook:

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought putting your heart and soul into a relationship would make it work.

Going viral on Discord:

We are talking about how beautiful and cool you are behind your back.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Be the elephant you wish to see in the room.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

The worst person to share a room with is someone who puts on 10 alarms 2 mins apart each, and wakes up at none.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

Nothing you want to do has a timeline.

Coffee doesn’t solve all my problems. But it definitely stops me from constantly creating new ones.

If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

Nothing you want to do has a timeline.

Coffee doesn’t solve all my problems. But it definitely stops me from constantly creating new ones.

If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨