Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I wish men had sluttier outfit options. Because why am I in a mini skirt, and you’re in a quarter zip?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

The worst part about working from home is that your real husband is also your work husband.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Sometimes I get really mad at myself, but not like mad enough to fight myself or anything like that.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Sane is boring.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Bro, you’re not allowed anymore to have your tongue drop out of your mouth and form a stair case when you see my wife.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

334 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,603

Funny Quotes Topics

17,660

Funny Quotes Images

15,603

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,628

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

Going viral on YouTube:

Just a few more hours of scrolling, and then I will finally know.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Hot girl in her 20s: It’s so weird, but I keep getting lucky, and everything works out in my favor.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

Just shared via Slack:

Whenever you feel like the world is falling apart, take a deep breath and remember you’re right.

Making waves on Facebook:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler who lost the chance to push a button.

Making waves on TikTok:

You know who’s gonna love you in the end? Your dog.

Making waves on Twitch:

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Dreaming of a nap on a pizza roll mattress, but I might eat my bed! 😴🍕

comfort, comfort food, comparison, food, food comparison, humor, little, pillow, pillows, pizza, pizza roll, roll, rolls, snack

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

6 months ago

exercise, fitness, focus, gym, humor, i, jail, prison, should, workout
How do you text “okay” but in the rudest way possible?

2 months ago

attitude, communication, humor, message, okay, rude, sarcasm, text, texting
Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

2 months ago

bag, chip, chip bag, clear, clear bag, consumer, food, grocery, humor, me, packaging, pay, price, should, show, snacks, transparency, want
I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

2 months ago

day, here, humor, i, just, oxygen, procrastination, relax, sit, think, waste
Pursuing an academic career is like thinking the stripper loves you.

1 month ago

academic, academic career, career, comparison, humor, love, pursuit, stripper, thinking
Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

3 months ago

afterlife, death, die, Earth, going, humor, i, joke, life, next, reincarnation, sure, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Telegram this month:

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

85 shares on Twitch this month:

Stop asking me if I’m tired. Can’t I just be ugly?

32 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

26 shares on Facebook this month:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

When they dress up really nice, but all you can think about is the thrill of taking it off.

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

Perhaps we should have further developed natural intelligence before venturing into artificial intelligence.

66 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

29 shares on Slack this month:

So a baby crawls across the floor to it’s bottle and it’s cute but when I do it Im in need of an intervention?

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

Who needs an alarm clock when you have a bladder.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

This email could’ve been sex.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

That moment when you clean the apartment and a year later everything is dirty again.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Maybe Rome was built in a day. I wasn’t there.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

I can’t be bothered with people that can’t be bothered.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Maybe the grass is greener over there because you’re not over there messing it up.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Not only is it not Friday, it’s not even Thursday.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I’m not like other girls. I don’t have a podcast.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

I’ve been saving these cleavage crumbs just for you babe.

Seen just now on Threads:

If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Sure, I could get off the couch today, but then what?

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Men be like, “I’m sexually attracted to you as a friend.

Making waves on YouTube:

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

Spotted on Reddit:

All I’m saying is that at first I am shy and then I become a podcast.

Going bananas on Discord:

Plot Twist: Your taxes cheated on you.

Trending via Discord:

Unlike men, women would immediately admit their mistakes if they had any.

Just landed via YouTube:

I don’t like violence, but I don’t mind if I get hit by luck.

Going viral on Slack:

When kids try to guess your age it will either be completely flattering or utterly devastating, but never correct.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

How do you text “okay” but in the rudest way possible?

Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

Pursuing an academic career is like thinking the stripper loves you.

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨