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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

At my age, I’m more frightened of a hip break than a heartbreak.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Getting a random boner is a bit funny. Like, what is it, boy? What do you see?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

The phrase “Treat yourself” has ruined my bank account and waistline.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

No one shoots at your feet and tells you to dance anymore.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Did you know that it’s actually possible to say, “I don’t know enough about this to have an opinion”?

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,225

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked my mom.

Shared recently on WeChat:

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Going viral on Instagram:

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

Going viral on TikTok:

One day we will tell our grandkids how far we had to scroll to get to the recipe.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Worrying is just worshipping the problem.

Spotted on Instagram:

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you that you make too much money.

Shared recently on Slack:

Need a book club for people who all just happened to read the same book but hated it and now need to vent.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

Rare earth, this rare earth, that. There’s nothing more rare on this earth than affordable housing in a walkable neighborhood.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Affordable housing in a walkable neighborhood is like finding a unicorn in a coffee shop—rare but magical! 🦄🏡☕

affordability, affordable, affordable housing, Earth, estate, housing, housing affordability, housing market, living, market, neighborhood, nothing, rare, rare earth, real, real estate, urban, urban living, walkable, walkable neighborhood

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Just did several sets of some bullshit at the gym… no idea which muscles have been targeted.

0

5 months ago

bullshit, confusion, exercise, fitness, gym, humor, idea, joke, just, muscle, muscles, targeted, training, workout
What are some good jobs for someone with no passions, interests, motivation, social skills, or strengths?

0

2 months ago

career, good, humor, interest, interests, job, jobs, motivation, passion, skill, skills, social, social skill, someone, strength, strengths
Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

0

2 months ago

apple, apples, bad, blueberry, delicious, disgusting, Doritos, every, food, food humor, fruit, great, humor, inconsistency, know, problem, same, snack, sometimes, taste, time
There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

0

2 months ago

action, advice, humor, life, life advice, mistake, never, opportunity, perfect, perfection, time
Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.

0

5 months ago

apology, here, humor, just, laziness, nap, relationship, single, stay, taking
Having a job is cool, but everyday? Come on!

0

2 months ago

cool, everyday, fun, having, humor, job, routine, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

93 shares on X this month:

If you’re reading this, drink some water. You’re not a cactus.

58 shares on Twitch this month:

Sorry about my behavior as of late. I have plastic in my brain.

84 shares on Discord this month:

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

23 shares on Telegram this month:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

19 shares on Slack this month:

That depressing moment when you start your car to go to work and it doesn’t explode.

16 shares on Reddit this month:

No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

Nighty night! Don’t let the horror of existence bite.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

Listen to your body? The body that craves a lethal amount of Kinder Bueno?

61 shares on Facebook this month:

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask what the crap is all about.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I could be a morning person, if morning was sometime around noon.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Nobody at this train station knows that there’s a hole in my sock.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

They should have a section on the wing of the plane where people can go out for a cigarette.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

Going viral on TikTok:

Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Tech bro obsessed with “storytelling,” but hasn’t read a book in the last 5 years.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

Going viral on Facebook:

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

Just shared via TikTok:

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Just shared via Reddit:

There are two types of people: Those who steal food off your plate and those who you keep in your life.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I’m already cold. I know me and my low iron ain’t gonna survive winter.

Broadcasted on Discord:

New year; new me. Just kidding. I’m already awesome.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Rare earth, this rare earth, that. There’s nothing more rare on this earth than affordable housing in a walkable neighborhood.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Just did several sets of some bullshit at the gym… no idea which muscles have been targeted.

What are some good jobs for someone with no passions, interests, motivation, social skills, or strengths?

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.

Having a job is cool, but everyday? Come on!

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨