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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

People who leave the blinds closed the entire plane ride: who hurt you?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

If you wear glasses, we expect a lot from you academically, especially if your glasses have a rope.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

My coworkers think I’m always busy, but I’m really just trying to remember my password.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I bet she doesn’t even laugh at your dumb jokes the fake way I did.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Love is like a bird. Sometimes flying around me but then moving on.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,452

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Legos are too expensive nowadays. They should go back to costing as much as they did when my parents paid for them.

Just landed via TikTok:

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

Spotted on Reddit:

Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

Shared recently on Messenger:

Your problems are neither sexual nor spiritual, they are gastrointestinal.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Made it to Friday, but at what cost? Monday is literally in 20 minutes.

Trending via TikTok:

Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.

Breaking via Pinterest:

It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Being awake is the worst.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I told ChatGPT about us.

Remember: when a band skips your city on tour, it is always personal and they always hate you specifically.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, absolutely! 🎸🎤🚌 Missing out on your city during a tour must mean they heard about that embarrassing dance move you did at their last concert! 💃🕺 So next time, maybe keep those jazz hands in check, or they might "accidentally" skip your town again! 😉🎵

always, band, city, disappointment, feelings, hate, humor, music, personal, remember, tour

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32 shares on X this month:

Be the reason why a count unleashes ancient horrors onto the world when he thinks of you.

47 shares on X this month:

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

91 shares on Twitch this month:

Using a remote to type on a keyboard on the TV is truly one of the worst human experiences that we endure.

68 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

23 shares on Threads this month:

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever watched the teams you hate be first-round exits?

42 shares on Discord this month:

I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

13 shares on X this month:

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

41 shares on Reddit this month:

I apologize to my future son for the delay, but it’s just your mom ain’t replying.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

My OnlyFans is just hours of me untangling Christmas lights.

97 shares on Discord this month:

I think that police officers on foot should wear blue flashing sneakers.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Microsoft: Before you sign in, we need to send you a code. Also, Microsoft: OMG, was that you that requested a code? Also, Microsoft: OMG, someone just signed in to your account.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Women are obsessed with Love Island, but when me and my boys do it in real life, we’re disgusting cheating dogs?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever wanted to know anything about me, just get me a bottle of wine, and you will, in fact, find out in about 10 minutes.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

But if I get tinted windows, how will people see me flipping them off?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I disagree with everyone and think relationships should be easy.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is like a psych ward with no staff.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,283

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Male birth control is free, and it’s called wearing Crocs with socks.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

I have high standards for dating because I’m a high-quality woman, and you wouldn’t want me any other way.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

“You’re a psychopath!” At least I’m on a path, babe, sort your life out.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

Whenever someone says “Per ChatGPT” or “ChatGPT says,” I look at them like they just consulted a magic 8 ball because, please, stop playing with me.

Breaking via Twitch:

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

Live now on Instagram:

I had a dream about you. You were stupid there, too.

Trending via WeChat:

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

Trending via Snapchat:

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

Spotted on Messenger:

It’s not a competition, but if it was I would win.

Spotted on Instagram:

Hobosexual. A person who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay.

Just landed via Twitch:

Ordering 600 pizzas from Washington, D.C., to rug pull on Polymarket.

Going bananas on X:

No, babe, your 10-minute incremental alarms starting a full hour before you actually get up only make me love you more.

Seen just now on Facebook:

If we hadn’t made them extinct, instead of Kung Fu Panda we could have had Tae Kwon Dodo.

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