Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

If white men can’t jump, how do you explain Super Mario?

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

The only way to my heart is with a knife.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

You amuse me, Jester. You may enter my bed chambers.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

“Still gangsta” I whisper to myself as I drink my chamomile tea with a heating pad on my back.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

What did parents do before smart phones, hold their babies with two hands or something?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag that’s not fully sealed at the bottom?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

My Saturday was going really well, until I realized it’s Sunday!

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

For the first time in history, you can simply post “He’s an idiot” and 90% of the world will know whom you’re talking about.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,635

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Sorry, can’t. Waiting for my clothes to come back into style again.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.

Spotted on Slack:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

Just shared via WeChat:

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

Making waves on X:

Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

Just landed via Messenger:

I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I am both dumber and smarter than you think. Do not estimate me.

Schedule your bikini wax for the first thing in the morning, and you won’t need that cup of coffee.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Who needs caffeine when your waxing appointment has you wide awake? ☕️🙈

beauty, beauty routine, bikini, bikini wax, coffee, cup, humor, morning, need, routine, schedule, thing, wax

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Don’t ever let your computer feel that you’re in a hurry, cause they’re gonna slow down more.

0

2 months ago

computer, humor, hurry, irony, procrastination, slow, slow down, technology
When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

0

2 months ago

cake, chocolate, coping, coping mechanism, cream, dessert, eat, humor, ice, ice cream, mechanism, stress, sweet, wordplay
I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

0

4 months ago

bustle, dally, dilly, humor, hustle, i, laziness, procrastination, relaxation
Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

0

2 months ago

able, animal, animal behavior, behavior, being, chill, everyone, humor, parrot, talk, talking, whole, why
Doing dishes is like fighting a hydra — wash one, and two more appear.

0

4 months ago

appear, chore, cleaning, creature, dish, dishes, doing, fighting, frustration, household, humor, hydra, mythological, mythological creature, wash, washing
There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, butter, crime, drink, feeding, food, funny scenario, giving, humor, joke, nothing, peanut, peanut butter, prank, sandwich, scenario, should, someone, story, thirst, true

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

“So, what are your hobbies?” Oh, I can’t afford any.

71 shares on Twitch this month:

Is the elephant in the room with us right now?

31 shares on Reddit this month:

On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

58 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s been too long since I partook in shenanigans.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

Some days you have breakfast for dinner and live life on your own terms.

45 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

Why is being alive so expensive? I’m not even having a good time.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

What if you went to ET’s planet and all of the other ET’s were wearing clothes?

96 shares on WeChat this month:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

27 shares on Twitch this month:

Being the introverted hopeless romantic with a high sex drive is a curse.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Being a woman is trying to guess what the hell is going on with your body three times a week.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Maturity is when you realize money can actually buy happiness.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

I get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me. Like, sorry ladies, I’m not a flower, but it’s so sweet that you thought I was. Hehe.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Boyfriend hasn’t accepted my LinkedIn request yet. He doesn’t want to connect. He doesn’t want to build.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Festival is when you pay a fortune to live like a homeless person.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

9am: anything is possible. 2pm: maybe tomorrow.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Sorry I’m late. Had to scroll back to my birth year.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Imagine working at Pornhub. At like the corporate office as a developer or whatever. White collar. That’s gotta be a weird job. Working there has gotta be bloody weird.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

I love the smell of someone burning their last bridge with me.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

Going viral on Messenger:

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

Trending via Slack:

There’s going to be a full moon this Christmas! Because mixing family and alcohol together wasn’t enough…

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Twitter is diarrhea of the mouth at its finest. Everyone is just going around vomiting whatever is in their brains.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Gonna eat birthday cake all day because it’s someone’s birthday out there, and we’re about to celebrate together, stranger.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Might quit my job to focus on summer.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I love you to the refrigerator and back.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Schedule your bikini wax for the first thing in the morning, and you won’t need that cup of coffee.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Don’t ever let your computer feel that you’re in a hurry, cause they’re gonna slow down more.

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

Doing dishes is like fighting a hydra — wash one, and two more appear.

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨