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🤣 Ah, the rebellious thrill of sharpening a pencil at the bin! It was our little act of defiance, our moment of clandestine coolness in the schoolyard. Who needs a cigarette break when you've got a freshly sharpened #2 pencil, right? Childhood priorities at their finest! 🚬📝

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

1 month ago
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Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.

1 month ago
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You did all that terrible driving just to end up right next to me at the stop light.

1 month ago
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Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

1 month ago
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He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

1 month ago
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I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

1 month ago
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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Is losing your mind a hobby?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

“I hate small talk!” Oh okay. Do you think all your grandparents are going to heaven?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

AI could never replace me, you can’t put this much self-loathing into a machine.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Dating app that matches you based on your risk tolerance for airport arrival timing.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Sorry, can’t. Waiting for my clothes to come back into style again.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

My phone charger is lying in another room. HELP.

Spotted on Discord:

Easy there, unsaved number.

Just shared via Pinterest:

“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

Just landed via WeChat:

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.

Going viral on Twitch:

When you’re sad, find two equally sad friends and form a cryangle.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

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Activity Log ✨

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.

You did all that terrible driving just to end up right next to me at the stop light.

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?

If you like constant interruptions when you’re trying to get something done, then parenting might be for you.

Deeply unfair of people to assume I have my life together just because I’m boring.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your clothes are still in the washing machine.

So, does anyone know how to end mass religious psychosis, or is it just a thing now until we slowly die off from climate-induced disasters?

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If I block you and you email me, you’re getting another chance.

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

A haunted house, but every room is just learning more about Will & Jada.

Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

Imagine if you spent all your time studying, actually studying.

If you want to feel really bad about yourself, just start dating.

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Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.

You did all that terrible driving just to end up right next to me at the stop light.

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

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