Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

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The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

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After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

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Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

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If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

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Never underestimate my ability to fall asleep in a moving vehicle.

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I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

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It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

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If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?

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Social media may have been a mistake.

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The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.