Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Of course I do cardio. It’s called running from my problems.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Millennials are just 30-40-year-olds who look 20-30 years old and feel 80-90 years old.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

The advantage of being an identical twin: you only need one gym contract.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

This meeting could have been a painting in a museum of boredom.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

I was not meant to work a job; I was meant to lay down and ponder.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,826

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via YouTube:

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left, and oh, how I laughed and laughed.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

Just landed via Messenger:

Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

Just landed via Facebook:

My body can’t handle the stress of loving anyone romantically, ever.

Going bananas on Facebook:

So proud of my ancestors for crawling out of the sea and evolving lungs. Pretty disappointed in them ever since though.

Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Suddenly discovered the secret to instant weight loss! Who knew a trim could double as a wardrobe upgrade? 🌿✂️👖🤣

body, body grooming, bush, fashion, grooming, humor, loss, pants, pants size, shave, shaved, size, weight, weight loss

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

0

1 month ago

assume, everyone, finds, fun, humor, i, insecurity, interaction, issues, lying, me, otherwise, sarcasm, self-doubt, skepticism, social, social interaction, tell, trust, trust issues, unattractive, unattractiveness
Special Offer: Save 100% when you don’t buy anything.

0

2 months ago

anything, buy, discount, free, humor, irony, joke, marketing, offer, promotion, sales, save, special, special offer
I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

0

3 months ago

clock, clock out, ready, tomorrow, work
Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

0

2 months ago

big, butt, cartoons, deal, exaggeration, getting, humor, i, pain, perspective, pitchfork, stabbed
Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

0

2 months ago

bed, cat, cats, childhood, club, fight, fight club, hide, humor, imagination, monster, monsters, pet, where
Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

0

2 months ago

always, be kind, fun, humor, interaction, jacuzzi, kind, kindness, know, never, own, ownership, social, social interaction, surprise

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

30 shares on X this month:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

It feels like a million o’clock right now.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

The way some people hold their cell phone to make a call, I always think they’re trying to take a bite out of a sandwich.

60 shares on Instagram this month:

Women pretending not to see men staring at them is an essential survival skill.

12 shares on Instagram this month:

Nothing is smaller than the X on ads to click them away.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

Oasis didn’t just write good songs. They wrote the soundtrack for a whole generation.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

The shitshow must go on.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Not being able to teleport is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

When they say screen time is bad for you, they just mean the ones at work, right?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

The biggest problem with finding another job is I don’t want one.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Hey dude, I recently became omniscient, and well, you fell off in every universe.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I don’t understand the desire to rock climb. We have stairs for that now. Problem solved.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Life sucks a lot less when your feet are in a creek, and you forgot your phone in the truck.

Breaking via Telegram:

I need a Netflix show called: “Background noise while you scroll on your phone.”

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

Making waves on Twitch:

Therapy is life letting you speak to the manager.

Spotted on Messenger:

Going out on Friday night will always be better than going out on a Saturday night.

Going viral on Reddit:

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

Spotted on Discord:

It’s this time again when you have to choose between coffee and mulled wine in the morning.

Trending via TikTok:

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

Making waves on Discord:

Manifesting you in my bed.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

Special Offer: Save 100% when you don’t buy anything.

I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨