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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

If a man says “I don’t deserve you,” believe him. Because he is about to show you why.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

The feminine urge to turn you on and not do anything about it.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

The most important thing to remember when driving is that not everyone is smart.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Printers are definitely the moody teenagers of the tech world.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Sometimes I’ll do a random act of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,700

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

If you can reach enlightenment, can you also reach endarkenment?

Shared recently on Instagram:

The ‘b’ in ‘subtle’ totally is.

Just shared via WeChat:

The lion can’t keep living like this.

Going viral on Reddit:

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

Going bananas on Discord:

My dog just looked me in the eye and said “no one is gonna believe you”, then took a nap.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

So I just googled my symptoms, turns out I’m addicted to you.

Spotted on YouTube:

I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

Spotted on Reddit:

It’s kinda weird that in order to go to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping.

Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about trimming bushes and losing weight, humorous and playful in tone.

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Commentary:
Suddenly discovered the secret to instant weight loss! Who knew a trim could double as a wardrobe upgrade? 🌿✂️👖🤣

body, body grooming, bush, fashion, grooming, humor, loss, pants, pants size, shave, shaved, size, weight, weight loss

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61 shares on Telegram this month:

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

In general, I like company, but not when I am with my pizza.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If we ever make eye contact, just know I imagined way too much already.

65 shares on TikTok this month:

If I were God, I’d tell everyone that I created the animals and that I don’t know what happened after that.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

People ask you, “are you crazy”, and then get scared when you answer, “yes”.

21 shares on Messenger this month:

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

27 shares on YouTube this month:

A lot of men actually do forgive cheating, as long as their homies don’t know.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend’s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Ever read a post multiple times, still tilt your head and whisper, “What?!”

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

Jacket I left on a chair that sometimes looks like a person at night stuns in new evening nightmare.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware.

Making waves on Instagram:

The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I don’t get why banks tie pens with strings. We trust them with money, but they can’t trust us with a single pen.

Going viral on TikTok:

This meeting could have been a cave painting.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Maybe I prefer my ducks scattered about.

Making waves on Facebook:

I was about to stop overthinking, then I thought of a giraffe having a sore throat.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’ve found that the easiest way to do burpees is to just not do burpees. No pain, no pain.

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Activity Log ✨

Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Just realized when I get a partner, that means my family is gonna know that I have feelings.

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Just realized when I get a partner, that means my family is gonna know that I have feelings.

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨