So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

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At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

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In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

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As you get older you become all of the seven dwarfs.

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Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

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Every laptop should have a “cat” button that disables the keyboard so they can nap.

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Dogs will go through amazing effort to get a better view of your plate.

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Managed to empty the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something there takes on a life of its own.

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I don’t follow washing instructions, you’re my clothes you don’t tell me what to do.

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Is this art or trash?

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My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.