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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Super excited about a brand new week of questioning all my life choices.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

I don’t mind driving in bad weather. I mind other people driving in bad weather.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Sorry for the things I said when the internet was down for 10 minutes.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Debugging is like being the detective in a crime where you are also the murderer. Following the clues of an idiot.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

I’d make room in my pillow fort for you.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Blocking isn’t enough. I wanna throw tomatoes at you like you’re a medieval criminal.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,390

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

Trending via Snapchat:

My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I want my boyfriend to be so hot strangers know he’s not funny.

Shared recently on Twitch:

This coffee is not coffeeing the way I need it to be coffeeing.

Making waves on Slack:

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

Seen just now on Reddit:

This entire year has been the Nightmare Before Christmas.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

Just landed via WeChat:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Making waves on YouTube:

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

Trending via Pinterest:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

2 months ago

0

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal cycle of grocery bag inception: Within a bag, lies a bag, cradling more bags. It's like a bagception! 🛍️🔄♻️ Who knew our homes were secretly harboring a clandestine society of bags within bags, plotting their next shopping spree? Watch out, it's a bagvolution! 🌟😂 #Bagception"

bag, bags, collection, everyday, everyday life, funny observation, grocery, grocery bag, humor, inside, keep, life, observation, organization

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Insomnia is embarrassing. How can I be so bad at something that literally involves doing nothing?

0

2 months ago

bad, doing, doing nothing, embarrassing, humor, i, insomnia, irony, nothing, sleep, something
Animals be 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

0

3 days ago

15, animal, animals, humor, instinct, know, life, life skill, minutes, newborn, old, skill
Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad decision, brain, choice, decision, humor, insomnia, let, life, life choice, me, overthinking, self-reflection, sleep, stay, together
In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify”, I put “Doctor.”

0

2 months ago

application, comedy, doctor, emergency, humor, irony, notify
Tiime isn’t on my side, it’s on my face, wrinkling my forehead.

0

2 months ago

aging, face, forehead, humor, side, time, wrinkle
You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

0

2 months ago

always, both, kids, know, scissors, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Slack this month:

Do you laugh at your own jokes, or are you emotionally stable?

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

Computers used to scream out in pain when we connected to the internet. This was a warning and we did not heed it.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

“Age is just a number!” Yeah, the older I get, the number I feel.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

10 shares on TikTok this month:

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

35 shares on Messenger this month:

Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

46 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

73 shares on Threads this month:

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Switching between brainrot and deep intellectual talks is a skill that only a few acquire.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If they stole your post, they probably need it more than you do.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I’m late, my song came on at the grocery store.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s no bigger test of patience than typing your email address in on a TV with the remote.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The lion is starting to concern himself with things he’s been trying to ignore.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I laughed at your bad joke. I was trying to flirt.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you’re getting old when you get mad at some random car parked outside your house.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,434

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

My favorite condiment is Worcestershire sauce. Why? It’s hard to say.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I just bought a universal remote. This changes everything.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

I grew up in a kinder, gentler age. We pitied our fools.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

People really be like, “I would never do that to you,” and then do it with a remix.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Really miss the drama of being able to angrily shut a flip phone.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Could someone please come over here and be the adult? I’m too tired.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Women will brag about their intuition, and then date a DJ.

Seen just now on TikTok:

At the gym and I forgot my headphones and now I have to listen to my own thoughts. Send help.

Spotted on Telegram:

If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Want to come over and lay around naked, eating grapes like we’re in a Renaissance painting.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

Shared recently on Threads:

White elephant: Nothing brings people together like fighting over absolute garbage.

Just landed via Instagram:

It’s Monday, but at what cost?

Spotted on YouTube:

The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.

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