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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

I’ve discovered that my visiting family members leave crumbs in the butter. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Given the amount of clowns around here, you’d think it would be more entertaining.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

They should invent a DoorDash but for a kiss goodnight and getting tucked in.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,504

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

Going viral on Reddit:

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Therapy isn’t gonna cut it, I need vengeance.

Just shared via Pinterest:

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Live now on TikTok:

Sorry for zoning out, bro. It’s just, I’ve been having a bad day for several years.

Going viral on WeChat:

Life is like a penis. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. But it’s never hard forever.

Making waves on Twitch:

Are there cheat codes for parenting teenagers? This level is really hard.

Trending via Snapchat:

“I’m either extremely productive or staring at the wall like I’m in a Victorian painting.”

Trending via Pinterest:

“I’m like Sisyphus but with dishes. Dishyphus.”

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

4 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about arrogance, comparing inflated egos to donkeys in a humorous way.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Riding high on a donkey, but still trying to look majestic! 🐴✨😂"

actually, arrogance, donkey, high, high horse, horse, horses, humility, humor, humor quote, sarcasm, satire

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

2 weeks ago

around, authority, bladder, boss, control, humor, independence, me
Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.

2 weeks ago

across, ask, driving, Google, Google Maps, humor, left, left turn, maps, navigation, needs, oncoming, oncoming traffic, safety, setting, take, traffic, turn, where
Eating healthy requires a second job.

2 days ago

diet, eating, healthy, healthy eating, humor, job, lifestyle, money, second, work
If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

2 weeks ago

anyone, choice, conversation, dead, dinner, event, humor, i, ID, joke, living, pick, social, social event
Being single is better than asking a man to act like a man.

2 weeks ago

act, asking, being, better, dating, gender, gender role, humor, man, relationship, role, sarcasm, single
The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

5 days ago

activity, cocktails, dining, dinner, enjoyment, food, fun, fun activity, getting, going, good, leisure, life, point, restaurant

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on TikTok this month:

Every time my neighbors start moaning, I pause my music to rate the performance.

54 shares on Slack this month:

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

51 shares on Slack this month:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

50 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m a little too self-aware to enjoy life, and a little too delusional to give up.

24 shares on WeChat this month:

Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

54 shares on Facebook this month:

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

73 shares on X this month:

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

59 shares on Slack this month:

You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 minutes long.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

Why would a needle be in a haystack, anyway?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

“Bye, have a great day, I’ll see you after school”, I tell the orange in my kid’s lunch.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Zara makes clothing for occasions that don’t exist.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

When the gun shoots your brain, that’s amore.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Home is where the clothes rack stands in the way.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

“God has a plan for you.” OK, is God open to a little feedback?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I don’t hold grudges. I just remember facts very aggressively.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

To be happy as a man, you simply need to replace your screen time with beautiful women time.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Facebook:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Spotted on Reddit:

Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.

Live now on Facebook:

Being the introverted hopeless romantic with a high sex drive is a curse.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.

Spotted on Twitch:

Kids today will never understand how many ninjas there were in the 1980s.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

Trending via Snapchat:

When you realize a 9 to 5 is actually an 8 to 7, since you cannot teleport to work.

Shared recently on TikTok:

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

Keep the laugh going 😂

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.

Eating healthy requires a second job.

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

Being single is better than asking a man to act like a man.

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨