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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Nothing worse than realising you vented to the wrong person.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Gutted to report that spending a day offline, touching grass with my friends, was phenomenal for my mental health.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Do y’all ever think about how, in Korean, you can’t scream over text because there’s no uppercase… I think about that all the time, for some reason.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,550

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I hate to slut-shame, but a lot of you are not slutty enough.

Just landed via Instagram:

Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

Making waves on Slack:

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Going viral on TikTok:

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

Trending via WhatsApp:

White guys have a slur for other white guys they don’t respect, it’s called ‘buddy.’

Spotted on TikTok:

There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

Live now on Pinterest:

I had a sex dream last night that felt so real, I’m just gonna go ahead and add it to my body count.

Broadcasted on X:

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

The worst person you know is in therapy right now, being told they need to put themselves first.

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about confusing autumn plans with civilization collapse, playful and humorous.

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Commentary:
"Oh, you meant 🍂 fall, not 'brace-for-impact' fall! 🌍😅 #Relief #SeasonsChange"

asked, autumn, civilization, collapse, fall, humor, i, me, meant, misunderstanding, moment, plans, realize, sarcasm, seasonal, someone

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Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Twitch this month:

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

72 shares on WeChat this month:

The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

19 shares on X this month:

I hate that Al has now caused me to question the authenticity of cute animal videos online. I don’t even know if this baby penguin actually wore a beret to go buy a tiny baguette in Paris.

92 shares on Instagram this month:

I wish there was a nicer way to say “my natural tendency to spot patterns is making me feel very uncomfortable about you”.

83 shares on Discord this month:

When animals lead you to a place, it’s so cute… like, yes, I’m still following. Thank you for constantly turning around to make sure.

11 shares on Slack this month:

Talents: eating!

53 shares on Messenger this month:

Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

87 shares on Discord this month:

I’ll marry the person who can go to a family event with me and still like me afterward.

55 shares on Telegram this month:

When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

January: the Monday of months.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I fall in love with a song and play it until I absolutely don’t wanna hear it no more.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

“New password cannot be your old password” makes me so mad.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Back to work at last! I couldn’t sleep for sheer anticipation.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

There are two types of people: Those who steal food off your plate and those who you keep in your life.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

What is it called when you’re smart but everything you do is freaking stupid?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

Just shared via Pinterest:

Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

Going bananas on YouTube:

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Going viral on Telegram:

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

Just landed via Twitch:

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Babe, are you ok? You’ve barely talked about the horrors of being alive.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

The sexual tension between me and a late afternoon coffee to get me through the workday.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Imagine if every time you ate a grape you’d hear a soft voice whisper “that was my son…”

Just shared via Messenger:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

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Activity Log ✨

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The next time someone texts me “we need to talk,” I’ll reply, “Yes, we really need to talk,” so that I won’t be the only one stressing.

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨