Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Rudolph’s bright red nose would not have done anything to improve Santa’s visibility in dense fog.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Men will ruin your whole life and come back and like your Instagram story.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

At this point, if I get picked up by aliens, I’m just gonna go ahead and consider it a rescue mission instead of an abduction.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Never vacuuming so I don’t disrupt my carpet’s natural micro biome.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

You are my favorite dirty thought.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I actually do check to see if you told me happy birthday before I tell you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,728

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Biggest flex is when your friend’s mom uses you as a good example.

Spotted on Pinterest:

If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family?

Just landed via TikTok:

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

Just landed via Reddit:

Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

Spotted on Snapchat:

I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

Going viral on Discord:

Shouldn’t it have been called the ‘not answering machine’?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Just once, I’d love to underthink a situation.

Just shared via Facebook:

You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.

Just shared via YouTube:

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

Live now on Snapchat:

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Channeling my inner emotional superstar while staying in my lane, where are the Oscars for road performances? 🎭🚗😂

chic, classy, crash, crying, diva, driver, drivers, driving, keep, lane, little, next, over, something, while

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you would just let me help, you’d be in an even worse position than you are now.

0

2 months ago

assistance, even, failure, frustration, help, humor, just, let, me, position, problem, sarcasm, worse, worse position
Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

0

2 months ago

anyone, humor, Monday, outside, procrastination, reminder, upset, waiting, weekend, workweek
It’s strange being the same age as old people.

0

2 months ago

age, being, humor, irony, old, old people, people, perspective, same, strange
Men playing hard to get when they’re already hard to want, is so funny to me.

0

4 weeks ago

dating, Funny, funny observation, hard, hard to get, hard to want, humor, me, men, observation, playing, want
I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

0

2 months ago

body, day, exhaustion, fun, hours, humor, i, little, nap, naps, party, rest, schedule, surprise, surprise party, time, used
Hot singles in your area! They don’t want to talk to you. But they’re there.

0

2 months ago

area, date, dating, hot, hot single, humor, interaction, irony, loneliness, online, online dating, single, singles, social, social interaction, talk, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on Slack this month:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

Having a crush on someone as an adult feels like a humiliation ritual.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

71 shares on Threads this month:

Cats are the best authoritarians. You will do their bidding, and you will like it.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

Never underestimate my ability to effortlessly make something more difficult than it needs to be.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Being skinny may be nice, but chicken nuggets are even nicer.

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Unlike men, women would immediately admit their mistakes if they had any.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I’ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so I’m gonna make a carrot cake later.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

I feel like people just come to the airport to cough.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

Seen just now on Threads:

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Shared recently on Facebook:

An escape room, but it’s just your thoughts. Good luck.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

Seen just now on Facebook:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Making waves on Discord:

In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

Trending via TikTok:

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If you would just let me help, you’d be in an even worse position than you are now.

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

It’s strange being the same age as old people.

Men playing hard to get when they’re already hard to want, is so funny to me.

I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

Hot singles in your area! They don’t want to talk to you. But they’re there.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨