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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Noam Chomsky is a crazy name, like you sound hungry as f***.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Naming my first daughter Piggleigh Wiggleigh.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Do we barbecue with women or without salad?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Not my circus, but I’ve grown quite fond of its monkeys.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

I slept for 11 hours last night, just wanted everyone with kids to know that.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,620

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Hiking in your 40s is a great way to meet new people. Today I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist, and nearly met Jesus.

Making waves on Messenger:

I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

Spotted on Instagram:

Whoever said having a crush is when you feel the most like Carrie Bradshaw was so real for that.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

Making waves on Discord:

Men become instantly more attractive when they wear aviators; it’s science.

Spotted on Twitch:

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Just shared via Discord:

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

Trending via Telegram:

There’s no reason to be bored flying on an airplane. Use the time to tell the person next to you your entire life story.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I crashed my bike in 1989 and hurt my knee real bad. We didn’t have social media back then so I’m telling you guys now.

Sometimes when I get negative feedback I’m like “Hey, only I get to talk to myself that way”.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about self-talk and negative feedback, playful and witty in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Negative feedback? Sorry, only the mirror gets to roast me like that! 🤷‍♂️🪞"

confidence, feedback, humor, i, motivation, myself, negative, only, personal, self-talk, sometimes, talk

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you think I’m funny, you should hear the voices in my head.

2 days ago

Funny, head, health, hear, humor, joke, mental, mental health, personality, should, think, voice, voices
I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

2 weeks ago

am, cut, donut, expectation, food, half, humor, i, identity, irony, person, self-discovery, thought
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

2 weeks ago

forever, good, humor, i, intention, joke, life, live, optimism
Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

2 weeks ago

calory, chocolate, diet, election, humor, i, me, politics, promise, vote
Nothing makes me feel more powerful than when I write ‘furthermore’ in an email.

2 weeks ago

communication, confidence, email, feel, furthermore, humor, i, me, nothing, power, powerful, writing
Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

4 days ago

30, dating, hide, hide and seek, humor, loneliness, looking, past, past 30, relationship, seek, single

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on Instagram this month:

Applying lip balm when you know someone’s watching you is a power move.

82 shares on Twitch this month:

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to be late for work.

43 shares on Slack this month:

The thing I bought on Etsy in 2017 has shipped.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m not mad, I just hope your socks slide off in your shoe all day.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Getting excited to go to bed is a different level of adulting.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

91 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

You say “multitask” like it’s a good thing.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

If I were a mouse and I lived in Moscow, I would think, haha, I live in Mousecow!

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

“I’m not concerned about Netflix buying Warner Brothers. None of this will matter once we evolve gills and start living underwater.”

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

The most I’ve ever spent on a bottle of wine is about 45 minutes.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Don’t invite me places. I was cesarean. I didn’t want to come out then and I certainly don’t want to now.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Tested positive for being single af

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Having a crush is so stupid. Like, why is this dude in my head at 8 am?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Monetizing Twitter was actually the worst thing to happen to this app. Everybody rage-baiting for 23 cents.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Imagine how scary sharks would be if they wore necklaces made out of our teeth.

Trending via Snapchat:

My day starts backwards, I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

Breaking via WeChat:

“You’ve changed.” Yeah, I watched a new movie.

Just shared via WeChat:

Sundries sounds like something grandma would call scandalous underwear.

Spotted on Telegram:

It’s not fair when attractive people are also good at things.

Just landed via Slack:

I believe libraries are our proof that we once valued curiosity.

Just shared via Reddit:

It’s so embarrassing when you make a silly face at a baby, and they do not care at all.

Seen just now on Discord:

If you want people to have kind words when you pass, you should say kind words when you’re alive.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sometimes when I get negative feedback I’m like “Hey, only I get to talk to myself that way”.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If you think I’m funny, you should hear the voices in my head.

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

Nothing makes me feel more powerful than when I write ‘furthermore’ in an email.

Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨