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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Would pay $10 a month for Summer Premium Package without wasps.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I unload the dishwasher backwards… just to feel something.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

I hate when I accidentally blow all of my leaves into my neighbor’s yard.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t care if it’s cliché, I will always enjoy a ‘small town but something messed up is happening’ story.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

If they’re called leggings, why is your stomach in there?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,559

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

Live now on Messenger:

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn’t want to hang out and never intends on being friends.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Lately life has been all panic no disco.

Just shared via Snapchat:

One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Some people find it strange when you talk to your pet. I find conversations with some people much stranger.

Breaking via Twitch:

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Take a broken girl, fix her. And she will go back to the same guy again.

Just shared via Reddit:

I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

Somewhere, a therapist you never met knows about you.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like I'm famous in the therapy world for my unique brand of chaos! 🤔🛋️😂

humor, knows, met, never, psychology, secret, somewhere, therapist, unknown

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sure, money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?

0

2 months ago

buy, definitely, ever, fun, happiness, humor, jet, jet ski, joy, luxury, money, person, sad, seen, ski, sport, sure, water, water sport
My ideal vacation would be to drop my family off at the airport and then have a week of peace and quiet.

0

2 months ago

airport, drop, family, getaway, humor, ideal, peace, quiet, relaxation, travel, vacation, week
If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

0

2 months ago

ago, birthday, gift, hiding, humor, i, months, present, relationship, surprise, where, wife
I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

0

2 months ago

going, going down, humanity, humor, i, observation, photography, pictures, sun, wonder
Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

0

2 months ago

animal, fired, humor, i, job, trying, turtles, wax, workplace, zoo
In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.

0

2 months ago

burnt, cheese, cooking, defense, excuse, food, grilled, grilled cheese, humor, kitchen, kitchen mishap, mishap, sandwich

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

13 shares on Slack this month:

Good luck sending me mixed signals. Most the time I can’t even understand the direct ones.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

The only thing limiting what you can put in a sandwich is your imagination and the laws of physics.

72 shares on Threads this month:

Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

40 shares on YouTube this month:

I want to be gangsta but my grandma said no.

22 shares on Threads this month:

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

17 shares on Telegram this month:

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

91 shares on WeChat this month:

Why is it that your clothes only get caught on the door handle when you’re in a bad mood?

42 shares on YouTube this month:

When I was a child, my social network was called ‘outside’.

12 shares on Twitch this month:

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Please text me back. I’m about to start making stuff up in my head, and the stuff is all bad.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

Shared recently on Twitch:

It’s almost time to pack away the black summer clothes and unpack the black winter clothes.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

Just shared via Facebook:

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

Going bananas on X:

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

Going viral on WeChat:

Being called ‘my love’ is probably the cutest thing, like yes, that’s me. I’m the one you love. I’m the only one you love. I’m your love. Say it again.

Making waves on Messenger:

Who called it a missed phone call from your parents and not a boomer rang?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Somewhere, a therapist you never met knows about you.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Sure, money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?

My ideal vacation would be to drop my family off at the airport and then have a week of peace and quiet.

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨