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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

I had 99 problems but getting divorced solved 98 of them.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

This entire year has been the Nightmare Before Christmas.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

We are the last generation of programmers who know the deadly feeling of seeing the exact problem in our code, on Stack Overflow, with 0 answers.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

I’ll see you in your nightmares.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Who called it a Cybertruck and not a Deplorean?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,659

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

Shazam, but for the name of the person who literally just introduced themself to me.

Spotted on Reddit:

Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

Breaking via WeChat:

I can’t finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Being naked with headphones on is so fun.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If we date and break up, you gotta unlearn all my lingo and cool shit that I taught you. You gotta go back to being lame.

Spotted on Twitch:

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?

Trending via WeChat:

It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Trending via Messenger:

My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

3 weeks ago

Witty text about punctuality with a playful, relaxed vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When punctuality takes a backseat to personal flair 🚦😎—because who needs a schedule when you’ve got style? 😂⏰ #LateAndLovingIt

attitude, casual, confidence, here, humor, i, late, lateness, punctuality, sarcasm, sorry, wanted

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

65 shares on Instagram this month:

(Flirting) What’s every single thing you’ve ever thought?

96 shares on X this month:

It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

29 shares on Slack this month:

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.

49 shares on Threads this month:

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Deeply unfair of people to assume I have my life together just because I’m boring.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

No one talks about how uncomfortable it is to ask for your own money back.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

Spotted on Telegram:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

Spotted on Threads:

Sorry it took so long to text you back; my social bandwidth was buffering.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Don’t give up, keep going. There are still so many disappointments waiting for you.

Going viral on X:

I like my messages, how I like my nuts – MIXED.

Seen just now on X:

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I don’t need to bring anything to a knife fight, because I don’t go to knife fights.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

The most important meal of the day is the next one.

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

I swear the air gets heavier around 6 p.m. on Sundays. You can feel the Microsoft Teams energy approaching.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The most important meal of the day is the next one.

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

I swear the air gets heavier around 6 p.m. on Sundays. You can feel the Microsoft Teams energy approaching.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨