Sorry I’m late. It’s just because of who I am as a person.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

I hate apps that shut off your music when you open them, like how fu*king important do you think you are?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

If you’re worried that you added too much cheese to the recipe, I am here to reassure you that you did not.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

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Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

So you like bad boys? Cause I’m bad at everything.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Currently helping my husband look for his $20 I spent yesterday.

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I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

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I’ve never really had a beach body, but my snowman body is coming along quite nicely.

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As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Kids today have it much easier. When I was growing up and something bad happened, we had to go outside and spread our misinformation in person.