Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

“Are you okay?” No, it’s literally Monday every 15 minutes.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Twitter needs a button that’s “bring back that tweet I was just starting to read before you automatically refreshed.”

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

That period between finding out you got a new job and actually starting the new job is one of the best times in life.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Headache pro-tip: Bang your toe into something.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

You’d think the thing in my house with the most cat hair on it would be my cat.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Some people have goals based on a summer body. Mine revolve entirely around the weight limit of my beach chairs.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,469

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

Five out of six people find Russian Roulette to be a safe activity.

Just landed via WeChat:

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The sexual tension between me and the alternate reality I daydream about.

Just landed via YouTube:

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Europeans read a lot because their television shows suck.

Making waves on Threads:

Due to financial reasons, I will now be performing photosynthesis.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Absurdity is the spice of life.

Going viral on Telegram:

Eating Halloween candy and putting up my Christmas tree because nothing matters anymore.

Just shared via Reddit:

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Running on 'wishful thinking' time ⏰😴🚀 #AlarmClockFail"

alarm, excuses, here, honesty, humor, i, late, lateness, laziness, procrastination, sarcasm, set, sorry, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m not saying I need glasses. But today I watched a bunny in a meadow until it flew away.

0

2 months ago

away, bunny, flew, glasses, humor, i, meadow, need, observation, saying, today, vision
I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

0

2 months ago

coping, crazy, divorce, emotions, fine, hard, humor, i, joy, recovery, time
If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

0

2 months ago

humor, joke, me, pale, reply, response, shocked, someone, surprise
My superpower is to make anyone I wanna make comfortable feel uncomfortable.

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, comfortable, feel, humor, i, irony, personality, skill, social, social skill, superpower, uncomfortable
I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

0

2 months ago

audience, communication, gender, gender-neutral, humor, neutral, presentation, speech, warning
Have you ever accidentally opened your front-facing camera, and it ruined your day a little?

0

2 months ago

accidental, accidental selfie, accidentally, bad, bad day, camera, day, ever, front-facing, front-facing camera, funny moment, little, moment, phone, ruined, selfie, technology

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Threads this month:

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

41 shares on TikTok this month:

Notice how Lorde has a song called “Tennis Court” and not “Pickleball Court”? Tired of y’all pushing that fake sport.

89 shares on Telegram this month:

If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test.

39 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

58 shares on Reddit this month:

Adult life sucks. Friends don’t even ask to see how fast you can run in your new shoes anymore.

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Drugs don’t ruin lives. Drug tests do.

88 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

If you turn your phone off for 1 day, you’ll realize it’s still 2007 outside.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

I will marry a man who treats me delicately as if I’m a gift straight from heaven.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

“That’s an interesting take,” I say, not listening.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s gangster until they need to pee.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

I’ve discovered I have a logic fetish, I just can’t stop coming to conclusions.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Fake laughing at work is mentally exhausting. Please just leave me alone.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Shoutout to Netflix for being the only one that checks in on me every few hours. “Are you still watching?” Yeah, babe, thank you for asking.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

They should invent a relationship that doesn’t turn into the worst experience of my entire life.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

The first Saw movie should have been called Footloose.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

Spotted on Discord:

You come from dust and you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.

Spotted on X:

When you are in your 20s, there is going to be an urge to binge The Sopranos. it is very important that you press play.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

Seen just now on Discord:

Limiting my replies to introverts, wizards, freaks and vampires only.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Wake up, there’s overthinking to be done.

Trending via Instagram:

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m not saying I need glasses. But today I watched a bunny in a meadow until it flew away.

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

My superpower is to make anyone I wanna make comfortable feel uncomfortable.

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Have you ever accidentally opened your front-facing camera, and it ruined your day a little?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨