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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

The worst part about re-watching Home Alone is you just know Kevin’s parents bought this house for like $250K.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Babymaking music but it’s the Benny Hill theme song.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Is it a good sign when your therapist keeps saying Ka-Ching?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Your email finds me deeply unwell. Teetering on the edge really.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Talking to the stars because people suck.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

If there was a pill for procrastination… I’d probably take it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Referring to my boss’s wife as my boss-in-law.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,559

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

Live now on Reddit:

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

Making waves on TikTok:

I slept for 11 hours last night, just wanted everyone with kids to know that.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’m just here trying to spread a little joy while the world burns. Is that so wrong?

Just landed via Snapchat:

The eyes are the windows to the soul. A mustache is the front garden, and the mouth is that big pothole the council should do something about.

Just landed via Reddit:

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

A good French onion soup will have you acting like a pervert.

Going viral on YouTube:

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

Live now on Twitch:

So grateful for pillows. My head works hard, it deserves its own bed.

Staring at your phone is a great way to miss a few years of your life.

5 days ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about wasting time on your phone with a playful, witty vibe.

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Commentary:
Time flies when you're having fun… or when you're deep into your 8th "dog riding skateboard" video 😂📱🐕‍🛹

distraction, great, humor, life, miss, phone, procrastination, staring, technology, time

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Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Discord this month:

New year update: losing everything but weight.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve never really had a beach body, but my snowman body is coming along quite nicely.

40 shares on Twitch this month:

Oh, sorry, I can’t right now. I’m imagining some things and worrying about them.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.

61 shares on Threads this month:

I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

10 shares on Telegram this month:

Having sex with the same person gets freakier and nastier each time.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

The Epstein files are real, but they can’t figure out how to convert them to a PDF.

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

If we keep saving daylight, daylight will never learn to save itself.

23 shares on Telegram this month:

Having a low-quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.

37 shares on Threads this month:

ChatGPT, what do you do when you find out your boyfriend’s been using ChatGPT to write you messages?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

I deliberately don’t go to bed early. I don’t want to look like I could be useful for anything the next day.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Eating healthy requires a second job.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Why is adulthood just bills and wondering what to eat?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

I’m very strong, but not in a get a jar open kinda way.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Having a sunburn is so humiliating. Now everyone knows I was unprepared for the realities of the wilderness. It marks me as the weakest link. The hungry animals are closing in.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

Making waves on Slack:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Spreading quickly via X:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Spotted on Facebook:

Put my height in bio. Hope it lands me a girlfriend.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

Spotted on Snapchat:

As a wife and mother my hobbies include rage cleaning, rage cooking, and rage folding.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.

Shared recently on X:

It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Staring at your phone is a great way to miss a few years of your life.

Some should judge a little less and look at their lives a little more.

Winter hack: Avoid the cold by never leaving your house.

No one declines an incoming call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

My life coach told me I didn’t make the team.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Staring at your phone is a great way to miss a few years of your life.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Some should judge a little less and look at their lives a little more.

A simple “hi” can be the beginning of two years of therapy.

Winter hack: Avoid the cold by never leaving your house.

No one declines an incoming call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

My life coach told me I didn’t make the team.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨