Staring at your phone is a great way to miss a few years of your life.

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons, and 85% morons.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

I hate that I’m so indecisive. Actually, I don’t know if hate is the right word.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

Bag of flesh that acts weird when another bag of flesh doesn’t send symbols on glowing screen.

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

The Wi-Fi stops working for 2 minutes, and suddenly I start thinking about life.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

91 shares on Threads this month:

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

Women will invite you to shower with them, then cook you alive with a temperature of water you didn’t know existed.