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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

“Are you seeing anyone,” like hallucinating?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

I SAID YES!!!!!! after I asked myself if I wanted a breakfast burrito.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in this whirlpool of emotions over there.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

If the office is always a little cold, you might be working for the lizard people.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Farmers markets should be for vegetables — not for millennials unloading their failed Etsy-store arts and crafts.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,724

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via LinkedIn:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Say what you want about online meetings, but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.

Making waves on Facebook:

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

Trending via Reddit:

My new drivers license arrived and when I opened it, I gasped. How’d they get a picture of my mother?

Spotted on Telegram:

I can cope well with most situations. Hearing someone smack is not one of them.

Going viral on Discord:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

Just landed via Messenger:

Stop giving kids Bible names but no Bible lessons. Moses tried to rob me last night.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

Shared recently on Threads:

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

Going viral on Facebook:

So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

Stop avoiding your banking app. Go look at what you’ve done.

Playful warning about checking your banking app after avoiding it.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Your banking app misses you more than your wallet 😂💸 Time to face the music and embrace the financial chaos you've created! #MoneyMoves"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Threads this month:

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

I read all your bumper stickers and now we’re both stupid.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

98 shares on Discord this month:

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

Jeans have the tendency of looking neat when you’re about to wash them.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”

77 shares on YouTube this month:

The circus does not condone the actions being taken by its monkeys.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

11 shares on WeChat this month:

If humanity is so smart, how come it took thousands of years after the wheel was invented for someone to put them on a suitcase?

23 shares on Reddit this month:

The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Just had a fight with every item in my closet. They started it.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I only like when it rains when I’m home.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Reverse cowgirl because you made me mad, and I can’t even look at you right now.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,295

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

I miss the days when “What’s for dinner” wasn’t my problem.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Who called it a deep freeze instead of ice-o-lation?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

There should be a variant of fencing with two guys trying to kiss one another.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s ten pounds.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Called in, “Hey, macarena!” this morning.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

You don’t need a therapist, you need an exorcist.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

Life isn’t funny, why should my posts be?

Making waves on X:

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

Making waves on WeChat:

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

Trending via Discord:

“Home Alone” is a holiday reminder that peace begins the moment everyone leaves the house.

Making waves on YouTube:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Spotted on Instagram:

I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Men don’t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore.

Making waves on Snapchat:

If you look close enough, everyone is insane.

Broadcasted on X:

Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

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