Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Just paid rent. Now I have a place to starve in.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Post beach shower is undefeated. Greatest feeling a human could experience. Throw a nap in there, and you will never touch serenity so close.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just need you to change the batteries in my smoke detectors.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Hello! I’m Britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is: I tell you my real surname, then my real forename, then my real surname again, in case you missed it.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

The Gulf of Mexico should’ve been renamed to Sea Señor.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m convinced a lot of people online are communicating from prison.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Forget being the bigger person, I’m going to just start barking at people.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Another day waiting, and wishing, and wanting.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,518

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

Just landed via YouTube:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Live now on X:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Making waves on WeChat:

Sucking melted cheese off the burger wrapper as God intended.

Making waves on WeChat:

Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

Just shared via Facebook:

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

Just landed via Reddit:

In my retweeting era, because I’m just speechless.

Trending via Instagram:

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

Just shared via YouTube:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

2 months ago

Funny Quotes

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Finally, a productive use for my least favorite sibling! 😂🙈 #BlameGameChampion"

advice, blame, blaming, comedy, everyone, everything, frustration, hate, humor, irony, person, pick, problem, problems, relationships, sarcasm, stop

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

I feel bad for Slash. He bought a goofy hat in like 1986 and now he has to wear it until the day he dies.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

Whoever named the meatball absolutely nailed it.

73 shares on Discord this month:

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

10 shares on Messenger this month:

My life goal is to make you feel as awkward or awesome as you are making me feel.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

49 shares on TikTok this month:

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

64 shares on Instagram this month:

What I’m trying to say is, “Hello, here’s my entire heart and all of my devotion.”

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

Establish dominance by dropping your panties first.

42 shares on YouTube this month:

Sometimes people come into your life — and they need to stop doing that.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just water.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Scrolling… good take… bad take… nothing take… cyberbullying… beautiful woman.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

If A-B-C-D didn’t take their sweet time in the alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to sprint every time.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Has anyone noticed what it’s beginning to look a lot like?

Going viral on Reddit:

A poorly timed two-factor authentication request will be the thing that finally kills me.

Seen just now on Discord:

You’re in his DMs, I’m outside his window with a JBL speaker streaming Taylor Swift.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?

Seen just now on TikTok:

Not single, not dating, but a secret third thing (quantum entanglement).

Breaking via Slack:

If anyone wants to sponsor me, I’ll be running a 0.002K this weekend to raise awareness for laziness.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I received my electricity bill. I think they billed me for sunlight, divine light, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

Going viral on Instagram:

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.

Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner, but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.

Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner, but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨