Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Reverse cowgirl so he doesn’t see the double chin.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Born to be a Jedi spinning a lightsaber, forced to work full-time and pay rent.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Your annoying online persona has captured my heart.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Before we become friends, could you please sign this NDA.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Meds have done more for me than any man ever could.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,316

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

Seen just now on Threads:

What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Welcome to college, where every single person is smarter than you, except for the three people in your group project.

Making waves on Twitch:

They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Do you think working at Pizza Hut would help you get a job at Sunglass Hut? You know, with all that hut experience?

Just shared via Pinterest:

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

Just shared via Slack:

No one buys my theory that red fire hydrants are filled with ketchup and yellow fire hydrants are filled with mustard.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Apparently the term for migraine-sufferer is ‘migraneur.’ Nice getting recognition as a kind of artisan of suffering.

Making waves on Pinterest:

In case any nudes of me should appear somewhere: It was very cold that day.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Just when you think you're done, the pot's like, "Surprise! I'm the boss level of dishwashing!" 😅🍲🧼

agony, around, chore, cleaning, dish, dishes, doing, domestic, finished, frustration, horror, household, humor, kitchen, only, pot, relatable, surprise, thinking, turn

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.

0

2 months ago

able, bee, bike, childhood, communicate, fall, hard, head, hit, i, kid, time
I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

0

2 months ago

communication, corporate, frustration, humor, i, meant, microsoft, software, Teams, technology, work
Being an adult is a little out of my price range right now.

0

2 months ago

adult, affordability, being, expenses, financial, humor, joke, little, money, price, range, right
Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing.

0

2 months ago

being, clothing, congratulations, disgust, fashion, humor, name, piece, sweater, year
It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

0

2 months ago

bath, bird, bird bath, brunch, chipmunk, heat, hot, hot tub, humor, menu, Mimosa, summer, tub, using
Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

0

2 months ago

block, delete, email, every, fire, frustration, humor, junk, know, laptop, outlook, rule, sender

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

Play the long game? You mean Monopoly?

57 shares on Twitch this month:

The only sunscreen that’s 100% effective is abstinence.

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love to see “pan-fried” on a menu. I hate food that’s fried in a shoe.

37 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

90 shares on Twitch this month:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

33 shares on Discord this month:

I bet God still calls it Twitter.

52 shares on Reddit this month:

My boss denied me a raise before my shift today. What’s some music you have never wanted to hear in a coffee shop?

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

My weight loss journey is just the three hours in between meals.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

To be fair, a dumpster is like one of the safest places to have a fire.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I have no need to judge people because of their religion, skin color or sexual orientation. Bad behavior is enough for me.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Being a girl must be so easy. All you do is cry all day and text 10 different guys.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

On a first date, saying “agree to disagree” every time they share anything about themselves.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

Do you also sometimes turn on the TV just so you have background noise or am I weird?

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

Just shared via Slack:

“A healthy lifestyle is all about balance,” I say as I drive through Taco Bell after working out.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

The feminine urge to open a coffee shop that’s also a library, a bakery, and a flower shop.

Spotted on X:

Viewing someone’s LinkedIn after they’ve viewed yours to assert dominance.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

Just shared via Discord:

One of the worst ways to waste your youth is by being insecure.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

Live now on Twitch:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

Being an adult is a little out of my price range right now.

Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing.

It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨