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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Prime Video will find the movie you were looking for and then say, “Oops, you gotta pay for it.”

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I don’t dress for women. I don’t dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

The year flies by when you’re scrolling.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Work meetings would be a lot more fun if they took place in a giant IKEA ball pit.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

YOLO because stupid people don’t know what Carpe Diem means.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

On today’s family vacation agenda: my parents read the internet out loud.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

Thursday is really unnecessary. Today could’ve been Friday.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Next time I feel butterflies, I’m chugging down a bottle of tequila so they drown.

Just shared via Slack:

We need a true crime show called Downtown Stabby.

Just shared via X:

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Just shared via Threads:

Who decided that “microwaves that beep forever” was a feature we needed.

Trending via Reddit:

Winnie the Pooh had the right idea in this goddam heat. Crop top with his honey pot facing the world.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

Just landed via Messenger:

What do you mean it’s Monday? We just had Monday. This can’t be right.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

“We should get tickets” is as close to a rock concert as I get these days.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I’m at the age where I see a huge, beautiful mansion in a movie and think, “How much does it cost to heat that house in the winter?”

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about the surprise return of dirty dishes, humorous and relatable.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Just when you think you're done, the pot's like, "Surprise! I'm the boss level of dishwashing!" 😅🍲🧼

agony, around, chore, cleaning, dish, dishes, doing, domestic, finished, frustration, horror, household, humor, kitchen, only, pot, relatable, surprise, thinking, turn

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Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Discord this month:

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.

65 shares on Instagram this month:

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

I am losing touch with reality and I couldn’t be happier.

55 shares on Slack this month:

There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

77 shares on Discord this month:

Adult friendships are like, “hey girl, let’s keep rescheduling to hangout until one of us dies.”

50 shares on Discord this month:

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

55 shares on X this month:

I have to pee. Story of my life.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Shout out to everyone who cooks at 180°C for 20 minutes, no matter what the instructions say.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

My phone is like my lover, it’s the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Let’s go out for carrots sometime.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

It’s weird when you realize we are the last generation on this Earth to know what lite was like before social media.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Doing all of this just to die in the end! LMAO!

Going bananas on Discord:

Deciding if I should heal or just give up and go completely insane.

Breaking via Telegram:

This bouncer’s lucky I’m with my lady and physically frightened of him or he’d be in a world of pain.

Trending via TikTok:

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

You’re my least favourite notification.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

“Stop overthinking.” Oh, wow. Hadn’t considered that. Solved.

Just shared via X:

I’m going to a karaoke bar tomorrow, where I’ll sing every song in the style of Yoko Ono.

Just shared via Facebook:

Prison pen pal doesn’t want us to write each other anymore. Finds my life too depressing.

Just shared via Pinterest:

With me, it isn’t Netflix & chill. It’s Prime & panic.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

People in their late 20s and early 30s are like “this is my emotional support trip to Japan.”

Every laptop should have a “cat” button that disables the keyboard so they can nap.

Remember: no matter what anyone else thinks of you, it’s how you delude yourself that matters.

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

Keep the laugh going 😂

People in their late 20s and early 30s are like “this is my emotional support trip to Japan.”

Every laptop should have a “cat” button that disables the keyboard so they can nap.

Remember: no matter what anyone else thinks of you, it’s how you delude yourself that matters.

Many of you need to put “lighten up” on your resolutions list.

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨