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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

If the only person you’re competing with is yourself, how could you lose?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

A car window made specifically for a dog to stick its head out of is called a sunwoof.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

They should release the Epstein list right before the Oscars.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

It used be called “talking to yourself” but the new term for it is “podcasting”.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Who called it a biological clock and not an egg timer?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,412

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Seen just now on TikTok:

Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

Shared recently on Facebook:

The phrase “don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Journaling was the most useless thing l ever attempted. Not only am I still suffering but now there’s evidence.

Trending via Snapchat:

If you ever feel useless, remember that there are bathrooms at pools.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Forget about “long story short”… I’m gonna start saying “short story long,” and take you on a journey you didn’t ask for.

Just shared via Discord:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Trending via Instagram:

My exorcist thinks we should see other demons.

Breaking via Telegram:

I like to listen to the national anthems during the award ceremonies. I’m into country music.

Just landed via Telegram:

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

The Face ID on my phone won’t work until it sees the loss of hope in my eyes.

8 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about the face ID failing due to despair, humorous and playful.

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Commentary:
When your phone knows your Monday blues better than your therapist 😅📱👀

eyes, face, Face ID, frustration, hope, humor, ID, loss, loss of hope, phone, technology, work

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97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m at the “buy bigger jeans” part of my Eat. Pray. Love. journey.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You should be able to google why a couple broke up.

21 shares on WeChat this month:

My goal weight is getting a magician to saw me in half.

54 shares on WeChat this month:

Nothing makes me more stabby than when my husband ignores me and starts talking to the dog.

97 shares on Discord this month:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

26 shares on Facebook this month:

Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

72 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s with a heavy heart and a deep sadness that I have to announce that I’m at work.

40 shares on Threads this month:

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

48 shares on X this month:

Life hack: You can’t be sad if you are asleep.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Just found out about confirmation bias, and now every article I read totally proves I was right to be worried about it.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

My style isn’t even my real style yet. Just wait till my budget matches my vision.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Old people understand Roman numerals. I for one.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Fish must think we look so weird with both eyes on the front of our face.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

Reverse cowgirl so he doesn’t see the double chin.

Trending via YouTube:

Santa’s elves listen to wrap music.

Just shared via Messenger:

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Being quiet in a room full of loud people is my favorite sport.

Spotted on Discord:

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

Making waves on Reddit:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Freshly posted on X:

Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’

Just shared via Discord:

You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.

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Activity Log ✨

The Face ID on my phone won’t work until it sees the loss of hope in my eyes.

Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Whoever named them fitting rooms has a lot of nerve.

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The Face ID on my phone won’t work until it sees the loss of hope in my eyes.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Whoever named them fitting rooms has a lot of nerve.

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

What’s wrong with the people who come to visit on Sundays? Don’t they have a couch?

Social Media Stars ⭐

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