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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m going to sleep. Anyone want anything?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

My favorite childhood memory is having energy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,653

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’m going to hell if anybody needs anything.

Just landed via Twitch:

Damn, didn’t win the lottery. It’s messing up my budget plan.

Going bananas on Discord:

Unfortunately for things, they have no choice but to work out for me.

Just landed via TikTok:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Just landed via Threads:

Spell your crush’s name backwards, mine is yenom.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

Freshly posted on X:

One day you burned a CD for the last time and didn’t even realize it.

Shared recently on Slack:

I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?

The internet is making people stupid. Not me, though.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I'm safe since I'm pretty skilled at being stupid all on my own! 😂🤪📱

humor, internet, irony, making, me, people, self-awareness, stupid, stupidity

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

0

2 months ago

adventure, enter, forest, humor, i, nature, next, secret, told, trees, warning
I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

0

2 months ago

attention, humor, ignore, influencer, me, media, online, people, sarcasm, satire, social, social media
This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, big, exaggeration, fear, funny story, glass, humor, last, me, night, phobia, postcard, put, spider, story, time
I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

0

2 months ago

distracted, distracted driving, drive, driving, driving humor, effect, food, humor, i, passenger, passenger effect, person, road, road safety, safety, seat, sitting
Don’t talk to me while my earphones are in, man, I’m at a concert.

0

2 months ago

concert, distractions, earphones, humor, man, me, music, personal, personal space, space, talk
Man, these end times are taking forever.

0

2 months ago

end, end times, forever, humor, joke, man, taking, time, times

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Threads this month:

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

43 shares on Discord this month:

Remind the demons under your bed that you’re the landlord, raise the rent.

53 shares on Telegram this month:

Tuesday is just Monday wearing a fake mustache.

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

Get in loser. We’re going on a guilt trip.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

In an effort to demonstrate how pointless internet debates are, please prove to me that snow is real.

39 shares on Reddit this month:

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

94 shares on Discord this month:

In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify”, I put “Doctor.”

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sometimes the laugh is funnier than the joke itself.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Amazon cart: Order now and it will arrive today. Amazon confirmation email: LOL, just kidding, it’ll be a week from tomorrow.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

My body is a vessel for various dips.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Next time I feel butterflies, I’m chugging down a bottle of tequila so they drown.

Making waves on WeChat:

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it.

Just landed via Slack:

Pretty annoying when someone unfollows me before I can conduct their exit interview.

Going viral on YouTube:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to stay up all night.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

Broadcasted on X:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

Trending via YouTube:

Don’t cry because it’s over. Cry because you have an extra hour to think about it.

Just shared via Instagram:

100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

Just shared via Threads:

Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!

Breaking via YouTube:

I had no social life in high school. Even my imaginary best friend had a date for the prom.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The internet is making people stupid. Not me, though.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Don’t talk to me while my earphones are in, man, I’m at a concert.

Man, these end times are taking forever.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨