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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Beer is like the color black: it goes with everything.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Twitter is cigarette for the eyes.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Whoever is writing my Rom-Com, can you maybe, I don’t know, START IT?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Andrew Tate is what you’d get if Axe body spray gained consciousness.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someone’s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

It’s a good friend who, when you want the truth, knows what truth you want.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but I’ve done nothing for several hours.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Not texting back is only ok when I do it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,397

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Honestly, I can see why God flooded the Earth that one time.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Cats are probably like: Oh, I should follow you on Litterboxd.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

Shared recently on Messenger:

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

You should be able to call in sad to work.

Shared recently on X:

Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

Seen just now on YouTube:

People who work in retail should be allowed to slap a customer or two each Christmas, as a little treat.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Going viral on Instagram:

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Looks like everyone wants a piece of the American dream, but shhh, don't mention the broken bits! 🤫✈️ #immigrationwoes"

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92 shares on Instagram this month:

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

29 shares on YouTube this month:

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

76 shares on WeChat this month:

Hello! I’m Britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is: I tell you my real surname, then my real forename, then my real surname again, in case you missed it.

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

Talking to some people is like folding a fitted sheet.

19 shares on X this month:

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

64 shares on Threads this month:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

89 shares on Threads this month:

If idiots could fly, TikTok would be an airport.

14 shares on Slack this month:

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

So apparently problems don’t go away if you ignore them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped school.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I like it when you’re reading a comic and you can tell the writer is pissed about what the last writer did to the character.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

I’m getting targeted ads about chin fat and I’m offended by the relevance.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

I composed this post in a way that only the sexy can read it, so congratulations.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

Freshly posted on Slack:

Being liked at work comes with so many perks, you could be late as hell, and everyone is just happy to see you.

Just landed via TikTok:

May you heal from that fanfic that never got updated.

Going viral on Slack:

I’m at the age where using the wrong pillow makes you feel like you broke your neck.

Trending via Pinterest:

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

Going viral on WeChat:

Sometimes you just need a Saturday to sleep all day and do absolutely nothing.

Seen just now on Threads:

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

Going viral on Discord:

I’m lacking vitamin c-ash.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Wolves should really raise more people.

Just landed via Facebook:

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

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Activity Log ✨

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

Men be like, “Ok, you wanna know the truth,” and lie even harder.

Tupperware is a fun way to store your leftovers until you throw them away.

“I’m tired of being forced to eat microplastics. I’m ready for big plastics now.”

I received my electricity bill. I think they billed me for sunlight, divine light, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

It’s with a heavy heart and a deep sadness that I have to announce that I’m at work.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Men be like, “Ok, you wanna know the truth,” and lie even harder.

Tupperware is a fun way to store your leftovers until you throw them away.

“I’m tired of being forced to eat microplastics. I’m ready for big plastics now.”

I received my electricity bill. I think they billed me for sunlight, divine light, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

It’s with a heavy heart and a deep sadness that I have to announce that I’m at work.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨