The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

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Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

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Facebook: because time isn’t going to pass on it’s own.

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As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

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I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

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Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.

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Does my special place in hell have wi-fi?

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If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize, I honestly did not think you could read.

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As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.