The most important thing to remember when driving is that not everyone is smart.

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I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training or quality purposes.

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I’m surviving motherhood, one teenage meltdown at a time.

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Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

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They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

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I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.

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Release that sexual frustration, get a burger.

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When you’re using Grok, the A in Al just stands for Adolf.

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I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

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Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

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For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.