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Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Coughing has finally overtaken speaking Arabic as the most taboo thing to do in an airport.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

What are some good jobs for someone with no passions, interests, motivation, social skills, or strengths?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Wooden pews are designed to maximize the shame of farting in church.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Can’t stand when I’m determined to see something in a negative light, and somebody offers a different, healthier perspective. I already made up my mind to be upset. Don’t be rude.

Breaking via Reddit:

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

Just landed via Reddit:

Hike in groups. Bears like to have options.

Seen just now on X:

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

Making waves on Telegram:

I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.

Making waves on Snapchat:

My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

Live now on Messenger:

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Dying and being reincarnated as a beetle, and crawling to my old body’s grave, and digging down and living in my old ribcage.

The only love triangle I’m interested in is between me, my book, and my cozy blanket.

4 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Playful text highlighting a cozy love triangle between a person, a book, and a blanket.

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Commentary:
When your relationship goals are paperback deep and blanket warm 📚💘🛋️

blanket, book, comfort, cozy, humor, interested, love, love triangle, me, only, reading, relaxation, self, self-love, triangle

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Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.

18 shares on Twitch this month:

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

39 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you either have a naked window neighbor or you are the naked window neighbor.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m naturally funny cause my whole life is a joke.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

21 shares on Telegram this month:

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

76 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire.

62 shares on Threads this month:

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

29 shares on Threads this month:

The word ‘stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan ‘Dennis’? We could be saying, “I dennis Beyonce.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

This simulation is no longer boring, since they replaced management.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Booked an escape room but just to get away from everyone. No plans of escaping.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

The way Adele works for 6 months and then disappears for 7 years is very much the work-life balance I’m all about.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

This sex could have been an email.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

I’m starting to think the real hell is just being stuck in an infinite loop of self-doubt and bad life choices.

Making waves on Facebook:

Of course I intermittently fast. That’s when I sleep.

Breaking via X:

I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

Just shared via Instagram:

Book reviews be like: “5 stars. I’m sobbing. I’m unwell. I haven’t eaten in 16 hours. Highly recommend.”

Just shared via Reddit:

You are the Monday of my life.

Going viral on TikTok:

My middle finger salutes you.

Spotted on WeChat:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

Breaking via WeChat:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

Going bananas on X:

It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

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Activity Log ✨

The only love triangle I’m interested in is between me, my book, and my cozy blanket.

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

“Quit” is not in my vocabulary but “resign”, “drop out”, and “give up” are.

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

I don’t mean to disrupt the hotel industry, but how about checkout is 24 hours after you check in?

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The only love triangle I’m interested in is between me, my book, and my cozy blanket.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

“Quit” is not in my vocabulary but “resign”, “drop out”, and “give up” are.

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

I don’t mean to disrupt the hotel industry, but how about checkout is 24 hours after you check in?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨