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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

My default setting is sexual energy.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

My dental hygienist is probably thinking, I bet i could braid this guys nose hair.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

No, I’m not stressed. I just constantly grind my teeth and clench my jaw for fun.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Hyphenated. Non-hyphenated. The irony.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Jan 12, 2026

3,711

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

Trending via Slack:

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

There are days when trying to control your class is like trying to hug a tornado.

Trending via Twitch:

What is it called when you were overthinking, and it turns out you were right?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

Just landed via Threads:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

Trending via Reddit:

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

The only love triangle I’m interested in is between me, my book, and my cozy blanket.

2 hours ago

The only love triangle I’m interested in is between me, my book, and my cozy blanket.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your relationship goals are paperback deep and blanket warm 📚💘🛋️

blanket, book, comfort, cozy, humor, interested, love, love triangle, me, only, reading, relaxation, self, self-love, triangle

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

One of the biggest struggles of being an adult is deciding what to make for supper. Every. Single. Night.

2 months ago

adult, being, challenge, decision, dinner, every, everyday, everyday challenge, humor, night, nightly, single, struggle, struggles
If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

2 months ago

before, broke, customer, customer service, fault, humor, Mary, nice, patience, retail, retail worker, service, shopping, today, waters, worker
Life is strange. We come into the world with nothing, then we struggle for everything, and finally, we leave with nothing.

2 months ago

everything, existence, humor, irony, leave, life, nothing, perspective, strange, struggle, world
There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

2 weeks ago

decision, life, living, meaninglessness, opposite, own, rescue, someone, start, suicide, where
I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

2 months ago

am, big, blasting, car, change, hate, humor, i, last, mood, morning, morning routine, music, night, person, personal, personal change, personality, routine, same, turn
Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

2 months ago

dental, dental visit, dentist, everyone, hate, humor, irony, try, visit, weigh

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Facebook this month:

In general, I like company, but not when I am with my pizza.

63 shares on Reddit this month:

Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight.

46 shares on Discord this month:

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

58 shares on Snapchat this month:

Hair is unwashed, so I obviously feel like I’m fundamentally unlovable.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

20 shares on Reddit this month:

Damn, girl, are you Black Friday? Because I’m wondering what your bloody deal is.

33 shares on Reddit this month:

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

65 shares on Slack this month:

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

Saw a girl in a Franz Ferdinand T-shirt. She couldn’t even name three other main causes of the outbreak of World War I.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If life has taught me one thing, it’s that I need more money.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I have to work because the baby is expensive. (I’m the baby.)

18 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Controlling your emotions while on your period is an extreme sport.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,384

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

I love how spring sprung and then disappeared again.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

As long as I can dip something in something, I’m happy.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

This year should be named “things I never thought could happen”.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Just found out about confirmation bias, and now every article I read totally proves I was right to be worried about it.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I applied for a job and got it, and now I really have to go there. Crap!

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Well, at least my cat is supportive of me doing less and laying around more.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Whoever is writing my Rom-Com, can you maybe, I don’t know, START IT?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

My superpower is embarrassing myself.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Adulthood is realising no one cares about you, and the show must go on.

Just shared via Instagram:

I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.

Just landed via Slack:

Who called them sea lions and not soggy doggies?

Spotted on Slack:

I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.

Just shared via WeChat:

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

Shared recently on Slack:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Freshly posted on X:

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

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