The sexual tension between me and a late afternoon coffee to get me through the workday.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Why are these idiots only giving robots two arms?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

I’ve never met a cake I didn’t want to fork.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.