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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I need to start hiding my money from myself.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Millennials are so young because we were never allowed to grow up. Still living like broke college kids in our 40s.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

“I’m like Sisyphus but with dishes. Dishyphus.”

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

I’ll call it a smartphone when I yell “Where’s my phone?” and it yells back “Down here in the couch cushions!”

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Nobody is doing it like me because this is probably not the right way to do it.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

I downloaded a meditation app. Now I’m stressed about missing sessions.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

I don’t think fish should be allowed to eat other fish. I don’t know. Just seems weird. That’s like your coworker, dude.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,350

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.

Trending via WhatsApp:

“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

Trending via Snapchat:

Cool things happen when you start hanging out outside a lot. Animals just appear and stuff.

Spotted on YouTube:

Job interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?” Me: “My greatest strength is that I’m a good listener.”

Just landed via Threads:

The smarter we make the A.I., the less it wants to do our jobs.

Trending via Messenger:

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

Shared recently on Slack:

You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

3 weeks ago

Funny quote about house cleaning, highlighting procrastination with witty humor.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"The worst thing you can do while cleaning is accidentally hit the 'accept all cookies' button! 🍪🧹😂"

chores, cleaning, house, housework, humor, minute, procrastination, sit, thing, tidying, worst

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14 shares on Discord this month:

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

Bought an eggplant, imma grow my own eggs.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

29 shares on Messenger this month:

If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.

86 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s really sad that April Fools is the only day people are appropriately skeptical of stuff they read on the internet.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Your boos don’t mean anything to me. I’ve seen what you people cheer for!

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

A bird just flew into our glass door. Іt’s not dead. Just really embarrassed.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

40 shares on Reddit this month:

You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

72 shares on Instagram this month:

That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Back in the day, you used to have to listen to records backwards to discover conspiracy theories.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

When planning dinner, remember that ice-cream has both calcium and protein.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

It’s strange that watching paint dry is considered boring but going to an art gallery is considered interesting. That’s just watching paint that’s already dry.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

You’re not lazy, you’re just buffering in HD.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

You’re old if you’re excited to learn how to play Mahjong.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m so single. When they ask me for an emergency contact, I put the neighbor’s dog.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Democracy is a fine thing. The bad thing is that the stupid people are allowed to take part.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I can still drop it like it’s hot. It’s just a lot harder to pick it back up.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

Live now on Slack:

How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

Spotted on Reddit:

My boyfriend just said “I encourage you to try all things” to our cat who was licking up Buffalo sauce.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Just cleaned my room in case Beyoncé was somewhere close to my house and her car broke down, and she needed somewhere to sleep.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

The older I get, no.

I won’t be doing Dry January, because who was there for me during the happy times and the hard times? Not broccoli.

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

Keep the laugh going 😂

The older I get, no.

I won’t be doing Dry January, because who was there for me during the happy times and the hard times? Not broccoli.

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨