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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Playing Mortal Kombat at an arcade in the 90’s would fix me.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24/7 from the day we’re born and only stops when you’re taking a test or speaking to someone attractive.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Absurdity is the spice of life.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

You can be under 25, just don’t do it around me.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Just the owls and I out here enjoying the breeze amongst the trees.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

But that was my emotional support daylight.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

I have a sundress and no man to bend me over in it, sad day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,309

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WhatsApp:

I get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me. Like, sorry ladies, I’m not a flower, but it’s so sweet that you thought I was. Hehe.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Taking a Hooters waitress on a date to a different Hooters on her night off.

Making waves on X:

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

Going viral on Snapchat:

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Due to unforeskin circumcistances …

Shared recently on Facebook:

I’m gonna start sending women unsolicited pizza pics.

Just shared via Messenger:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

Just landed via Instagram:

See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Women in movies look so beautiful when they sleep. Meanwhile, I’m tossing and turning all night like a forgotten 7-Eleven hot dog.

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

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The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.
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Commentary:
"Remember, sitting is the gateway drug to procrastination when cleaning! 🧹✨ Keep those cleaning legs moving, or you might find yourself binge-watching Netflix instead of decluttering! 🛋️🚫 #CleaningStruggles"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on WeChat this month:

This year has been the perfect blend between me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

26 shares on Slack this month:

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

75 shares on Facebook this month:

My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

What’s really missing is a day between Saturday and Sunday.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

The year number is getting too big, let’s do another Jesus soon.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

Living in your parent’s house is free because you pay with your soul.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

50 shares on Twitch this month:

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I had a good haircut.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Technically mixed martial arts can include tickle fighting.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Asking my landlord if he has any Cyber Monday deals.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would, is one of life’s greatest challenges.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

One of my biggest faults is that when I ask someone their name, I forget to listen to what their name is.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Finally got around to emptying the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something started its independence movement in there.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,521

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Every girl has a dude in her inbox talking to himself.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

I googled my symptoms and it turns out I just need this election to be over.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Being flirted with while you’re on the clock feels like a hostage situation.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

My toxic trait is binging a show too fast, then getting sad when I have nothing to watch.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Time machine? You mean a clock?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

People think I’m a minimalist, but I’m just broke.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

“You smell so good!” Okay, so kiss me.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

For whom the Fetty Waps.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Waiting for the websites to start offering pizza instead of just cookies.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Crossing my fingers one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Trending via TikTok:

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

People who talk about fruit having too much sugar scare me so bad. Please get back, you wicked witch!

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

Seen just now on Telegram:

The devil couldn’t reach me, so he made sure that the love I give is never reciprocated.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Some people believe the appendix is a vestigial organ, that its use has long since passed. I think it’s primordial. Its use has yet to come.

Just shared via TikTok:

“The Nightmare Before Christmas” just means, January 1st – December 24th.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Working out consistently yields results, but mannnnnnn…… the laundry.

Trending via TikTok:

I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.

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