Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

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Things were better when the computer lived in its own specific room, and you only went in there sometimes.

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Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

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No one told me adulthood would require this much multi-factor authentication.

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It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

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Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

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Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

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Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.