Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

“I didn’t vote for this.” — people who absolutely voted for this but thought this would only hurt people they hate.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Going to the beach the day after watching Jaws hits different.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Don’t invite me if there’s nowhere to sit down.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Math is like Chinese to me.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Workplace Wrapped: you had 60k minutes of meetings this year that could’ve been an email.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,330

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Pinterest:

They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Trending via Facebook:

I remember when Britain used to be so rich, you’d be embarrassed to go into a Lidl or Aldi.

Just landed via Instagram:

Whoever first said, “It gets to a point,” was definitely at that point, and I feel them deeply.

Seen just now on Facebook:

They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

Going viral on Slack:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

Broadcasted on X:

Donuts have holes in them, just like acoustic guitars, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

There should be significant punishments for people at the grocery store with no spatial awareness.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Agreed! Let's make 'shopping cart bumper cars' an official sport! 🛒💥🚦 #SpatialAwarenessOlympics"

awareness, etiquette, grocery, grocery store, humor, people, punishment, shopping, should, significant, social, social etiquette, spatial, spatial awareness, store

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

0

2 months ago

common, geometry, humor, irony, line, mathematics, meet, parallel, parallel line, shame
I suck at flirting. I be like “is that so?”

0

2 months ago

awkward, comedy, conversation, dating, flirting, humor, i, relationships, skills, social, social skills, suck
Life is a highway and I’m afraid to merge.

0

2 months ago

analogy, driving, fear, highway, humor, journey, life, merge
Animals be 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

0

3 days ago

15, animal, animals, humor, instinct, know, life, life skill, minutes, newborn, old, skill
Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

0

2 months ago

across, bed, couple, current, diagonal, diagonally, humor, laziness, position, relationship, sleep, sleep position, sleeping, status
Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

0

5 months ago

6, airport, am, beer, drinking, early, early morning, free, humor, judgment, lawless, lawless place, morning, no judgment, place, problem, travel

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Telegram this month:

Just got my steps in by avoiding someone I know.

26 shares on X this month:

The single star on Texas’ flag is actually a review.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

I may be the reason why our kids are ugly, but you’re the reason why they’re stupid.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

66 shares on Snapchat this month:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

97 shares on Discord this month:

If a woman says “Do what you want!”, then for God’s sake don’t do what you want!

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Shit posting is cheaper than therapy.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

I enjoy the freedom of speech, because if you let crazy people talk, they’ll totally tell you they’re crazy.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Sometimes there is no way to debug besides staring at the code until you become enlightened.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

The lion can’t keep living like this.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

You’re never alone. There’s mold.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.

Going viral on X:

Can’t wait for when we’re all in our 80’s and still tweeting.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

Broadcasted on X:

Super excited to not contribute anything worthwhile today.

Making waves on Discord:

Maybe your soulmate’s just late, like, wildly behind schedule.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

Spotted on Twitch:

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

Making waves on X:

What are y’all gonna do when those labubus come to life and start biting y’alls ankles?

Making waves on Snapchat:

Panties is such a weird word. Panties. I can’t say it sexy.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

There should be significant punishments for people at the grocery store with no spatial awareness.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

I suck at flirting. I be like “is that so?”

Life is a highway and I’m afraid to merge.

Animals be 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨